Telling your partner you've cheated on him

A few days or years ago, you went too far one night and ended up in someone else's bed. You'd like to confess so you can 'start over' but you're aware of the risks. And boy are there risks! You're potentially exposing yourself to a furious reaction, serious damage to your relationship or even a break-up. Weigh up the pros and cons carefully before saying anything... are you just telling him because you want to unburden your guilt?

Best avoided
It's probably best not to say anything in certain situations. "If you had a wild encounter which took place without any valid reason and without significant consequences, there's not really a lot to gain but an awful lot to lose", warns Jean-Paul Benglia.

On the other hand, if the infidelity stemmed from problems within your relationship, as is often the case, and confessing to it may help you put things in order, then it's important to take the plunge.

Best way forward
"Leave the least time possible to pass: the longer the lie lasts, the harder the blow will be!" says Jean-Paul Benglia. "Don't beat about the bush, your hesitancy will just irritate him even more."

Make a link between your unfaithfulness and your relationship (a lack of affection, for example), not to shift the blame onto him but to shed light on what led you to be unfaithful.

If your encounter was just a wild fling which did not stem from any relationship problems don't say a word, and never ever say a word, you'll just be hurting him to unburden your own guilty conscience. Keep quiet and make sure he never finds out. He shouldn't have to suffer because you made a mistake.