been sexually abused and find it hard to feel desire. Wil this pass
can have a healthy sex life, even after abuse. You may need professional
help to come to terms with your experiences, so find a specialist
you feel comfortable with, who will be able to listen to your worries
and help you move on.
Women who have been abused often feel guilty, dirty and ashamed. Instead
of directing their anger towards the abuser, they turn it in on themselves,
developing low self-esteem and feelings of self-hate. It is very important
to seek help if you have any of these feelings and to talk to someone
who can help you to feel better about yourself. Sadly, your brain
is likely to associate sexual contact with the abuse you have suffered.
You may find some of these suggestions helpful
- Make your body
your own again and learn to love it. Pamper it with bubble baths or
- Give yourself a massage whilst applying body lotion to familiarise
yourself with your body, touch is very soothing.
Stand naked in front of a mirror and see how beautiful you are!
- Feel like a woman, buy some pretty underwear that feels good on
your skin to make yourself feel feminine again, or try stockings and
- Masturbate, concentrating on the pleasure it gives you. Do not feel
guilty, this is what your body is for. Try visualising yourself having
sex at the same time, to create a link in your mind between sexuality
- Avoid or get out of any relationship where your partner humiliates
you, or makes you feel ashamed or bad in any way. Respect yourself
and other people will, too.
- During sex, only do what you feel comfortable with. You never have
to do anything you don't want to.
your body belongs to you and nobody else has the right to abuse it,
or even touch it if you don't want them to.
Julien, Sex Therapist