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"
My husband and I hardly ever make love any more. Is this normal after 10 years of marriage?"

Lots of couples find they have sex less after they have been together for a long time, even if they still love each other dearly. Remember that imagination contributes a lot to lust, which explains the intense desire of couples who rarely see each other. They fantasise about their next meeting, about how their partner will look and what they are going to do together, which increases the anticipation and excitement in the relationship. They think about it beforehand and dream about it afterwards.
You can do the same thing. Make things lighthearted and never let routine creep into your love life. Surprise each other, spontaneous sex is always the best. Remember the excitement of the first few times you made love, then remember that it is still the same person!

Your worst enemy in the bedroom is habit, don't let it destroy sex for you. Variety is the spice of life, so put your imagination to work: use a mirror to watch yourselves making love, change positions, try new places. Try making love when you think you haven't got time - the excitement of being caught out or having a naughty reason why you're late for work is very erotic. Follow the sex therapists' advice - little and often. Even if you don't have a long session, it is better to make love more often than not as it will stimulate your desire.

It can be hard for working mothers with demanding jobs, but take every chance you can for romance and see what develops. Try to make time for sex, if you do, you will feel revitalised and energised, which is surely no bad thing! The best cure for tiredness is endorphin, secreted every time you have an orgasm.

Maude Julien, Sex Therapist


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