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This Bikini Is Confusing The Hell Out Of Everyone

Pascale Day
by Pascale Day Published on 7 June 2017

Fashion is so confusing, but that's why we love it. That's part of the fun, right? We're supposed to not understand the clothes we're wearing - right? That's the only conclusion we've been able to draw from the most recent sartorial nightmares that are being flogged right now. Plastic jeans, backless pants, Ikea jockstraps. But none have made us more confused than this poor excuse for a bikini.

There's only a few key things we look for when scouting out a summer bikini. The colour, (do we want to go bright and summer or dark and moody?), the style, and then there's whether it goes up our bum or not. That can be a pro or a con, depending on how dedicated you are to tanning. If you're a pool jumper though, it's definitely a minus.

Another thing we look for, is whether the bikini is going to cause a problem when it comes to the oh-so important matter of tan lines. And by the looks of this bikini, it's safe to say that tan lines are definitely going to be a problem.

The err, unusual bikini was brought to our attention by Twitter user @Manda_like_wine, who wisely said that the swimsuit would allow her to "sneak ham poolside" - which is probably its only use.

The offending swimwear is from farfetch.com - an apt name for a site that houses an item of clothing that so pushes the boundaries of what a bikini actually is. I mean, you are meant to be able to swim in a bikini, right? That sleeve is just dead weight. You're sinking straight to the bottom of that hotel pool. And if you are somehow able to swim in this, be prepared to go home with one Popeye arm.

What is that material? Is it denim? Or is it - GASP - faux denim? Please god, no! Anything but faux! And then there's the massive issue of tan lines. No one wants to come back off a beach holiday with one golden brown arm and one as pale as a ghost. That's going to look so weird. But like this user points out, great if you're going to be on the shopping channel anytime soon:

Possibly the worst part of this bikini - worse that the whole one-arm-being-swathed-in-material thing - is the fact that it costs £258. Two hundred and fifty eight pounds. For an uneven tan. If sneaking ham into hotel pools is your thing, then it might pay for itself in honey roast gammon joints alone, but other than that, we can think of way better things to spent £258 on, thank you very much.

Would you ever buy this bikini? Let us know! @sofeminineUK

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by Pascale Day

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