A father's view of his daughter

© Emmanuel Bovet

Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Didier Lauru talks to us about the importance of a father's view of his daughter, from childhood right through to adulthood. 

In your written work, you put a lot of emphasis on the importance of the father's view of his daughter, notably during puberty. What advice would you give to a father?
It's during adolescence that difficulties can arise. Fathers need to find a happy medium: not too much attention and not too little. They must at all costs avoid looking at their children in an intrusive, inquisitive way or what I also call "incestual" (Editor's note: incest considered but not acted on). The daughter mustn't feel like she's been looked at with desire by a father who sees her as a woman and no longer as his child. But on the other hand, some fathers don't do enough and are afraid to tell their child that she looks pretty, for example. They experience difficulties in accepting the physical changes brought about by puberty and create distance out of a sense of decency. Yet it's during adolescence that daughters have the greatest need to see their femininity recognised. By adjusting to the changes his daughter goes through in the right way, a father will give his daughter a passport into womanhood.   

If a father's view of his daughter is so important for building her identity, how can you reassure those fathers who've not recognised this or have missed out on it?
Teenage girls will naturally look elsewhere for a substitute: a grandfather, uncle, teacher, their mother's boyfriend, etc. The father should let it be and not cut her out of male surroundings. For girls whose father is deceased, they will retain the memory of the man he was and they'll be able to draw on it. It won't necessarily prevent them from seeking a new father figure. Sometimes this figure can be found in a woman: the grandmother for example, a figure of authority in the family circle. If the father's absent, she could quite well take on the substitute role. However, a young girl may end up confused if her father is still there. In such a case, the father has to reprise the 'figure of authority' role.