Don't cause more pain for yourself or others

Don't deny you're hurting
Divorce isn't something to be taken lightly: it's synonymous with suffering and sadness. As Caroline, 35, says: "When you split up with someone the last thing you want to do is throw a party." It's important not to rush the healing process; you need time to get over the split. You shouldn't try and put on a fighting front if all you feel like doing is curling up into a ball and crying. "If you try and put positives on everything, you run the risk of putting your feelings to one side. Sooner or later they will catch up with you," warns our expert. "However successful a party is, it won't make the pain go away."    

Don't put others in a difficult position
We all know the score: when our married friends split up, we're often forced to choose which camp we're on. So imagine the dilemma you'd put your friends in if you invited them to celebrate your divorce. Natalie, 32, says she felt downright uncomfortable at her friend's divorce party. "I have to say I wasn't comfortable with it, all the more so because it was a nasty split. She left her husband for another man and I don't think that's anything to celebrate," she says.

A divorce party could easily be seen as intended to provoke the ex-husband or to send out a defiant message, so it there shouldn't be a big song and dance about it if people are going to react badly. We say you're better off without a divorce party if it's going to turn into (or look like) a revenge party, or if you know it will make people feel uncomfortable.