The solution

Sophie was delighted when Keith suggested they leave the sofa to go and get a takeaway

> Do things without him
If he doesn't want to go out and would rather stay glued to the telly, that's his loss! "You want him to change, so you need to find ways of getting him out", says Dr Neuburger. Whatever you do, don't wreck your plans because he won't leave the sofa! Phone your friends and make your plans: you can still go out and enjoy yourself. Suggest he joins you later for drinks or a meal. With a bit of luck, he'll soon get fed up on his own and will take you up on the offer.

> Make him realise what he's missing
Invite friends who he gets on with: if he knows that everyone's going to be there having a good time, he won't want to be left out. Use his friends as a way of getting him out on his own from time to time: it's a way of separating him from the sofa and giving him a taste for life beyond the four walls of your house. Find the right moment to speak about what you miss and what you want: ideally during one of the (rare) times you go out together. It's a good time to slip in comments like: "I love it when we do this, when we go there, etc". This is encouragement, not criticism.

> Make a deal
Make a deal with him: you both do what you want with your friends but you also regularly organise evenings out for just the two of you. And you're not always going to be the one to suggest things! If doesn't like the sound of what you want to do, it's up to him to suggest something else. The next time he has a relapse, remind him of that.