Quiz: what's your argument style?|
Generally starting from something small ("You forgot to buy the bread again"), your arguments often degenerate into broader subjects ("You don't put any effort into running this house").
Psychologist Yvon Dallaire speaks of a "chain reaction" which very quickly extends to general accusations ("If you treat me like your servant, you clearly don't love me"), and yet it could all be sorted out if both partners stop trying to constantly get one up on each other.
The slightest disagreement is an opportunity to put all your relationship problems out on the table. As a result, a quarrel over nothing turns into a full-blown argument, comprised of insults, name-calling and cutting remarks.
You speak before you think and your words can be hurtful. Plus, every time you start bickering, you end up on the brink of breaking up.
Once the storm has passed, you both regret having got so carried away but within a few weeks, you're arguing again with renewed vigour.
Efforts to make
Try to concentrate on the problem you're facing at a given moment and, as Yvon Dallaire explains, learn to stand down: "He forgot the bread? So what? Either he goes out again to get it or you eat something else. Love is more important than bread!"
If you're highly strung, channel this tension and try not to let it explode within your relationship. For example, why not join a gym where you can use your energy up positively, instead of in a spat with your partner?
"Criticism provokes a defensive reaction, which is completely understandable, in the person being criticised. Love and good faith are rarely at issue in couples' arguments. So if you want to be happy in the long term, eliminate criticism from your relationship as it's a recipe for disaster!"
Also on soFeminine:
> How do you control your emotions?
> Are you looking after Number One?
> Pet hates: are you and your partner ready for a new addition?
Profiles: You try to settle a score
Article Plan Arguments in relationships: what's your argument style? ▼