Home / Fashion / Fashion News / Red Marks, Back Fat & A Sweaty Cleavage: Why Bras Completely Suck

© Google Images
Fashion

Red Marks, Back Fat & A Sweaty Cleavage: Why Bras Completely Suck

by Lareese Craig Published on 16 June 2014

Wearing a bra was fun when you were 14 because, well, you finally had hooters! Woohoo. But now we're just SO over it. The back fat, the digs, the third boob situation - we've had it with all of them. Here's to being young, free and braless because wearing a boulder holder absolutely sucks.

Boobs are great but bras. Eugh. Where do we start? Sure, they offer us endless support and sometimes they even bless us with a cleavage, but the rest of the time they just plain suck. Here's 20 reasons we'd rather live a braless life.

1. Getting it on

Kudos to you if you can put it straight on without turning it around to look at the hooks.

2. The straps get twisted

Why is it so hard to work out where the kink is coming from? You try your best to straighten them out but that little buckle just twists them right up again.

3. They're a b*tch to care for

Hand wash? Absolutely no chance. We're gonna bung them right on in with the rest of the load because we'd rather have lumpy tits than be scrubbing in the sink all night long #lifestooshort

4. You don’t own a white or nude bra

Girls don't shop for what they need. They shop for what they want. We need nude bras and we need white bras which is exactly why we don't own any. Something about them repulses us. They're boring, they don't stay the right colour for very long and they sure don't make us feel sexy. Lacy, racy boudoir lingerie - we'll always have time for that!

Side note: God bless the rabbit.

5. Effing sports bras

They do you absolutely no favours. Your nipples are hot, your boobs are as flat as a pancake and your cleavage, well that’s pretty much dissolved in all the sweatiness. Sometimes we even wear a bra under our sports bras just as a reminder that we’ve definitely gone through puberty.

6. They cost the earth

These days you’ll need to save up a week’s wages before you go splurging on balconies and push ups. And matching sets? Forget it.

7. Back fat

There’s nothing that makes you feel quite as repulsive as when your cotton top clings to your back fat. That stuff has a mind of its own. There’s nothing to stop it from spilling out under your armpits and forming unnecessary bulges where you least expect them. Not even a lose bra strap and the third hook and eye can save you.

8. Clear bra straps

Absolutely not. Vom. You’d rather wear a child’s vest than those fugly things.

9. The adjustments

Bras just don’t stay put throughout the day so you have to tug and pull the cups back over your bangers to keep them contained. Meanwhile that creepy man in the corner is loving every minute.

10. You never know your true size

Ok, so you’ve taken the time to go and get measured up but Primark doesn’t have any 30Ds so you’ll just buy your 'normal' size. Every single time.

11. Boys and bras

They just don’t go together and who can blame them. There’s the hooks, the straps, the padding and before you know it the moment’s ruined. They’ve just had to manoeuvre your back cleavage.

12. Your dirty little secret

Among all those sexy bras there’s a worn and torn t-shirt bra that we kinda live in. Pretty much every day. It’s comfy ok! #ruiningthedream

13.Your friend has to loosen you up

There’s no way you can adjust your straps once you’re fully clothed. Instead you have to stick your top over your head and recruit a strap loosen-er upper.

14. Padding

It's massively overrated. No one explains the bit where the stitching comes away and the padding (which was supposed to be inside the bra) is now perching on your shoulder. And no you’re not at home when this happens. You're on the dance aren't you?

15. The dig

As if a back cleavage wasn’t sexy enough, we’ve got to wrestle with red markings and a tender ribcage too.

16. Lumps

We know. We were supposed to hand wash them. Instead we have a whole lot of boob texture going on.

17. The effing underwire

Try as you will to poke it back in again that thing will reappear and stab you.

18. Chicken fillets

Socks worked fine why did they have to bring poultry into it? If the fiddly bra business doesn’t kill the romance the chicken fillet fling sure will.

19. You do the bra trick

Yeah, this party trick only works with sleeveless tops. Sleeveless.

20. But then we get to take it off...

And it feels better than sex.

Are you hating on your bras? Tweet us @sofeminineUK!

by Lareese Craig

You might also like