1. You pick a friend
You recruit your wing woman. The taller the better, that way she can eliminate any immediate threats. Don't rule out befriending that pal from primary school that was always on the back line in class photos.
2. You fuel up first
This is gonna take some serious energy, better inhale some bacon en route.
3. You sort your game plan
It's simple really. You know what you're going in for and you won't stop until you get it. Relentless is your middle name.
4. You dress to undress
Too hot and you run the risk of fainting, too cold and you'll be too distracted by the cosy bed wear. A girl's gotta think about these things. Wear something you can whip on and off. Leggings and a top and kick-them-off shoes are you winning ensemble.
5. You keep your eyes on the prize
£10 on any other day and you'd be laughing but in sales... daylight robbery much?!
6. You tackle the rails
Oh great here's my size! Said no one ever.
7. You face-planting
Being on the sales floor suddenly takes on a more literal meaning when someone topples you to the floor to get a look at that 'Last Chance' rail. Mmm dust. YUMMY!
8. The dead arm effect
Seriously move a little bit slower people because balancing coat hangers on your WRIST has never been easier.
9. The tactical thinking
Sh*t just got serious. That woman that tried to queue jump? Swear blind she was shop lifting and get her arse kicked outta there. Ain't nobody got time for time-wasting!
10. You sweat. A lot.
We're talking drips down the back and seeping into your pants and everything. It's fine - it happens to the best of us.
11. The yo-yo purchase
You're strong, you can do this just put the item back and walk away. Or don't.
12. The calculator
Trying to locate your phone with no hands should be interesting but once you're ladden with bags the time has come to access the damage and count down the weeks until you can eat again.
You don't even want those knee high boots but if someone else shows interest? Well, they're coming home with you mumma.
14. The queue fear
It's like signing your life away.
15. You make it out...
Alive. Always a bonus! On to the next shop!
16. But then this happens
17. Homeward bound
And use what little energy you have left to upload your Instagram and evil laugh into all your new purchases. Merhahaha. So. Very. Worth. It. Now excuse me while I stroke my poor deformed feet.
What kind of sales shopper are you? Tweet us @sofeminineUK
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