Are you too nice?
Article in images

What are the consequences?


 - What are the consequences?
The consequences of over-generosity can be disastrous for your identity and personal development, and can be seen in the day-to-day lives of those who are too eager to please.

In the long-term, it can be destructive and hard to snap out of and can cause you a lot of suffering.

Being exploited

If you say yes to everything, people will get used to it and they will abuse your good nature.

Once you start taking on extra hours at work, always being the one who makes coffee, organises the end-of-year party and cleans the toilets when the cleaning lady's ill, you're never done being a doormat. The more you give, the more people will take.

Why should they bother to do something themselves when you'll do it willingly, after all?!

Being respected

So he wants to see his mates and you've arranged to see some friends. You give in because you love him and you end up making him sandwiches and kissing him goodbye as if nothing's happened.

He cheats and you forgive him because you're too scared of being on your own.

He loves you, even though you see yourself as the ugly duckling, but all you'll achieve by putting up with this is completely losing your self-respect.

Your personality becomes defunct

you spend so much time thinking about others that you forget about yourself. If your neighbour's canary has died, you don't have to stay up all night consoling the poor old dear if you've got a piece of work to complete for the next day, so don't do it!

Other people live their own lives but you don't seem able to: you're like the sacrificial lamb.

Extreme consequences

Therapists warn that over-generosity and kindness towards others can result in a complete absence of self-worth. Some people who suffer from this problem can even end up borrowing sums of money they can't pay back just to please others.

They'll take anything from a partner and are prepared to go to any lengths to please him (think masochism!). If this is the case, action is required, and immediately!


Sarah Horrocks
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