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Someone Is Sewing Vaginas On Beanie Babies And Our Childhood Memories Are Forever Ruined

by Helen Turnbull ,
Someone Is Sewing Vaginas On Beanie Babies And Our Childhood Memories Are Forever Ruined© Etsy

Forgive me for ruining your Monday but we need to talk about the maniac that's had the 'genius' idea of 'sexing' up your favourite childhood toy - Beanie Babies. Cherished by children nationwide, your popularity was measured on how big your collection was way back when kids still played with actual toys and not iPads. But forget all you know and love about the bean-stuffed cuddly characters because this is 2017 and we can't have nice things.

Forgive me if you did but my nine-year-old self never once thought 'this Beanie Baby is missing a front bum' as I mindlessly played with my modest collection. But Christa May clearly did as she's opened an Etsy shop dedicated to exactly that. The New York-based art director's online 'boutique' specialises in creating and selling X-rated versions of the childhood staple and our memories are now forever tainted.

May has answered the wishes of millennial kids nowhere by selling 'lewd' animals, complete with sewed-on vaginas, on her Etsy shop which surprisingly has 505 'admirers' and boasts 223 sales so far. The toys in question are quite a sight to behold - the artist has already 'humanised' the squirrel, two types of cat Beanies, the monkey and the cow in the collectable TY range - by attaching makeshift, felt vaginas to their crotches.

Described as 'Squirrel Beanie Lewd Plush Stuffed Animal with HANDCRAFTED GRAPHIC VAGINA', the toys are priced from £22.32 to £35.87. The description states the toys are not for 'functional purposes' i.e. they're not a sex-toy replacement in case that's what you had in mind. "***NOTE: The genitalia is a surface only affair intended strictly for humor and not functional purposes." the warning reads.

While we're still struggling to understand why on earth you would wake up one day and think this is a brilliant idea, it seems May's purpose is to put a smile on people's faces which is evidenced in one review. "It came quickly and it was exactly what my hospitalized friend needed to crack a smile. Thank you!"

Will you be investing in a 'lewd' Beanie Baby for LOLs or do you think it's crime against children? Let us know @soFeminineUK

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Helen Turnbull
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