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The Most Delightfully ‘Interesting’ Things To Happen In Downton Abbey's Season Premiere

by Emmy Griffiths Published on 22 September 2014

Oh My God this show. Remember when Mary and Matthew’s will-they-won’t-they drama was all you could think about? Remember when a man died in Mary’s bed and had to be carried to his room to avoid a scandal? Remember when Bates's sordid past was a compelling mystery? What we’re trying to say is - REMEMBER WHEN THIS SHOW WAS GOOD? Season five’s premiere last night has left us shell shocked with how boring life at Downton has become…

1. Downton dog takes centre stage

Everyone’s favourite Downton Abbey character, the dog, took centre stage this week, causing plenty of controversy since his name is Isis. In hindsight, this should probably definitely be changed to something a little less, well, topical…

2. Daisy’s numeracy skills

Poor Daisy has ordered books to teach herself maths so one day she can balance the books on Mr Mason’s farm.

Unless this develops into some sort of dyslexia subplot we honestly couldn’t care less. Sorry Daisy, unless you’re marrying dying footmen or spying on the aristocracy carrying around dead bodies we’re by-and-large uninterested.

3. Moseley’s hair

A considerable chunk of last night’s time and plot went to Moseley dyeing over his grey hairs. Seriously. That was a major plot. Moseley’s hair.

4. Carson's choice: committee or friendship?

Carson was requested to become the head of a committee to arrange a memorial for WWI. Naturally Lord Grantham went all pinched face and miserable about it and Carson spent the entire episode really, really double-checking that the Lord didn’t really mind.

5. Labour government is in! SHOCK HORROR

Yep, it looks like it’s going to be a season of Tom Branson and Lord Grantham clashing over their political ideals. Like first season. And second. And third. Frankly, we’re so done with Branson complaining about his life in his huge country home with servants waiting on him hand and foot. SO done.

6. The chronicles of Mary’s hat

Mary's need to take her hat upstairs was our favourite part of the episode, right after her discussion with Lord Grantham about crop rotation and grain sales. Honestly, can something brilliant happen to her ASAP? We miss the old Mary. Who was interesting.

7. Ruining the mood

So Lord Gillingham announces he wants to be Mary’s lover and she responds by suggesting that her father would smack him on the nose if he heard them? Mary Crawley: mood killer.

8. Jimmy’s sordid subplot

Jimmy and his old employer had a servant-with-benefits type of relationship, and she was so thirsty for the sexy footman she came to Downton Abbey to woo him. But do we care about Jimmy that much? Really? Never mind Duckface from Four Weddings and a Funeral!

It wasn’t all bad though. Here are our favourite moments…

9. Everyone's getting some

Jimmy, Lady Anstruther, Lady Mary, Lord Gillingham, Anna, Mr Bates, even the old couple. This week having a quick romp was on everyone's mind, with Bates suggesting he wants kids, Lady Mary going into 'graphic' detail about her relationship with Gillingham and, of course, Jimmy and Lady Anstruther being caught out because of that pesky fire.

10. Lady Grantham’s ‘sex talk’

What happens when Lady Grantham and Mrs Crawley discuss companionship? We're not sure how we're feeling about the potential geriatric love triangle Lady Grantham is setting up, but since everything Maggie Smith touches in this show turns to gold, we're sort of loving this one!

11. The jewellery thief

Who knew Baxter would actually sort of be interesting? She was a jewellery thief at her last place of work although the reason is yet to be disclosed...did she need the money for an ill relative perhaps? We know there's some sort of nobel reason, and we're intrigued...

12. The fire

Edith angrily and accidentally set her room on fire, alerting the house to affairs, a lurking Thomas Barrow, and the line: "Save the dog!" Did Grantham even know if all his children were safe at this point, just wondering?

13. Edith's illegitimate daughter

Poor little Marigold and her life on the farm when she could be chilling with George and Sibby in the big old house with all the dollls she could want. Why does Edith always seem to get the worst deal? Fortunately the uber sexy fireman/farmer/adopted father of Marigold has a plan...

Did you love it or hate it? Tell us about it @sofeminineUK!

This article was written by Emmy Griffiths. Follow her @emmyfg!

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