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Threesomes: Having sex with two men

Published by cheree
Published on 2 November 2011

If the thought of having two men in bed with you, devoted to your sexual pleasure turns you on a little bit, then you're not alone.

One in ten women admit that doing with two guys would be their ultimate fantasy - and that's just the number who admit to it.

But if you're thinking of turning the threesome fantasy into a reality, there are plenty of questions to ask yourself first: from the practical; how should you choose your partners? To the more serious; how can you be sure your relationship won't suffer?

And perhaps most importantly, what pleasure can you get out of it? After all if you're considering a double dose of man, you've got to reap the benefits...

It's a fantasy... but should you make your sex dreams come true?
As a general rule, it's not advised to go out of your way to bring all of your fantasies to life. You need to be aware that the reality won't be the same as the fantasy - whether that's for the better or not.

Because a fantasy is an imaginary scenario that arouses us, it doesn't mean that the reality will still get us horny. If you decide to go for it, beware of the possible consequence, and if you'd rather keep your fantasies between you and your pillow, this type of adventure can feed your sexual imagination for a long time to come!

Being sure of what you want
First and foremost, make sure that the desire to have a threesome is your desire and not just your partner's! It's not about giving it a go to please him. It's your sex life as a couple that is most important, not his!

Don't do it with the aim of spicing up your sex life either or to be "in" with your friends. Threesomes aren't obligatory. After all, if there's one area where there are no norms and no confines, it's definitely sex.

Who to have a threesome with?
If you can't find a couple of the JLS lads at a loose end, then there are two scenarios:

1. With your partner and a "guest", a friend or a vague acquaintance. If it's your partner who suggests someone, it's up to you to decide whether you'd prefer this person to be a close friend of his or not. If the two men don't know each other very well, they might be more likely to want to try out different sorts of things...

Invite the person in question beforehand to discuss things with you and your partner, that will give everyone some reassurance.

2. With two men who are either in your circle of friends or not, with no romantic link to either of them. The trio can be created from nothing in the space of an evening.

If you think you'd feel more comfortable with a close friend, think carefully about the consequences this could have on your future friendship because inevitably, once you've been bouncing around on them, it will never be the same again.

Beforehand, try to talk to people who have already had a threesome (a woman, preferably) and ask for advice.

And whether you know the person or not, threesomes carry risks so protect yourself. Yep, that means a good stash of condoms should be on standby.

Is your relationship solid enough?
The strength of your relationship is a major factor to consider, before you introduce an unknown into the bedroom. It's essential that both you and your partner have a good understanding of each other. Don't forget that the aim of a threesome is to give you both enjoyment, not just one of you!

The idea of sharing your partner with another person is difficult for the majority of men to imagine. Also, bear in mind that the presence of another man can provoke homosexual thoughts in your partner's mind, which he might not know how to handle.

Also, measuring up against a potential "opponent", particularly in regards to the size of his penis, can be a source of embarrassment in front of a woman. It's not always easy for the boys!

Can a threesome be a turn-on?
You're pushing the boundaries of your erotic horizons, and generally being wild! Having a threesome increases your sexual and emotional identities whether you have sex with a man and a woman, a man and a man, a lover and a stranger.

And there are multiple benefits to a threesome. You can live out several fantasies at once: homosexuality or bisexuality (for your partner in this instance), voyeurism, infidelity and exhibitionism. The depersonalised nature of threesomes, in contrast to your relationship, can also be a turn-on. And not forgetting, the fantasy of going beyond the norm.

Another reason why threesomes area always so tempting is that they can help reignite the flame of desire within your relationship: your man will want you even more when he sees you being pleasured by another man.

On a practical note, a four-handed massage is an option, just like blindfolding one of your partners. For the rest, let pleasure guide you!

It's a disaster: why?
A threesome is naturally unbalanced. To counter this, you need to be available to both participants.

If you're in a relationship, the most important thing is to make sure that your partner feels at ease and not pushed aside. It's quite common for couples to underestimate their feelings of jealousy or possessiveness.

Your man might feel betrayed, cheated on or less desired than the guest. But the uneasiness might stem from you: you might have doubts about his fidelity or sexuality seeing him turned on in the presence of a man.

In all situations, threesomes can reveal or cause cracks in the relationship if total trust isn't there.

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