“Cheeky” Essex road signs slammed – locals told to stop now

Across Essex, a rash of “cheeky” homemade road signs — clever, chirpy, full of local banter — has been slammed by highways chiefs. Residents have been told to stop now. The message is blunt: good intentions don’t trump the Highway Code.

Morning drizzle beaded on the railings in Chelmsford as a handwritten sign, cable‑tied to a lamp post, told drivers: “Oi, slow down, love — kids about.” A dog walker smirked, a passing van eased off, and for a heartbeat the street felt like a village again, neighbourly and soft-edged. Then a council truck rolled up, hazard lights blinking, and the magic vanished.

From banter to backlash across Essex

The county’s playful streak is no secret, and these signs fit the vibe: punny speed reminders, hand‑painted warnings, a wink to local slang. They popped up along school runs, near tight bends, on rat‑run terraces — a kind of DIY kindness for roads that feel too quick and too loud. A few went viral, the internet cheered, and copycats followed. Now the brakes are on, hard. Essex Highways and local police say the homemade bits and bobs are unlawful, distracting and risky.

One board outside Great Baddow read, “Don’t be a doughnut — drop it to 20,” with a cartoon tyre squealing. Another in Leigh‑on‑Sea whispered, “No parking, pet — my driveway isn’t Narnia.” People snapped pics, swapped them on Facebook groups, and a TikTok reel hit six figures by lunchtime. Then a high‑vis team arrived, unfastened the ties, and drove off with a boot full of confiscated wit. Residents grumbled, but many nodded: fun is fun, yet the rules don’t bend. We’ve all had that moment when the joke lands, and the risk lands, too.

Beyond the chuckles sits the dry logic of road safety. Unauthorised signs can crowd a driver’s eye-line, mimic official fonts, and dilute messages that actually count. They’re also a legal headache: the Traffic Signs Regulations set strict standards for shape, size and placement, and anything off‑spec can spark confusion or liability if a crash follows. Highways teams talk about “sign clutter” and “message overload,” the way the brain edits out noise. That makes a big red triangle essential — and a cheeky cardboard plea a hazard.

How to channel the energy without breaking the rules

If you want to slow traffic, there are cleaner routes. Register for a Community Speed Watch in your patch and gather proper data; those stats carry weight when you ask for enforcement. Log repeat nuisances through Essex Highways’ reporting portal, and push for a speed survey or a new crossing if the numbers back you. Design playful banners for your own fence or front garden — private property, clear of sightlines — and keep them well away from kerbs, posts and official kit.

Think like a navigator, not a graffiti artist. Don’t cable‑tie anything to lamp columns or road signs, and don’t use reflective materials that can glare at night. Avoid fonts or colours that mimic official boards, and never block a driver’s view at junctions, bends or bus stops. Keep language clean around schools, even if your road rage is real. Let’s be honest: nobody actually does that every day.

Channel the cheek into sanctioned spaces. Your parish council can authorise temporary messages for events, and schools often welcome safety banners on railings inside their grounds. Data helps too — a week of Speed Watch notes can open doors faster than a catchy pun.

“Humour has a place, but it can’t sit on a pole that’s meant for lifesaving information,” said one road safety trainer who works with Essex volunteers. “Put the charm on your fence. Leave the signs to the standards.”

• Use Community Speed Watch to gather speeds at agreed times.
• Report problem spots via Essex Highways or your district council.
• Create witty, legal messaging on private property, set back from the carriageway.

What this moment really says about Essex

Strip away the scolding, and you see a county trying to look after itself. These signs weren’t made to cause chaos; they were made by neighbours who feel the pace creeping up their streets and want to tap the brakes without asking permission first. That impulse is human, and it’s close to the bone in towns where school gates meet commuter routes. Some will call it overreach from officials, others will call it common sense. Both can be true. A better fix sits somewhere between a wink and a warrant, between a cardboard quip and a calibrated speed gun — and it starts with talking to each other.

FAQ :

• Are homemade road signs illegal in Essex?Yes. Anything that looks like an official road sign and isn’t installed by the highway authority breaches UK regulations and can be removed.
• Can I put a funny safety message on my own fence?Usually yes, if it’s on private property, set back from the highway, and doesn’t resemble an official sign or block sightlines.
• What if the council won’t act on speeding?Join or start a Community Speed Watch, gather data, and present it to Essex Highways and local councillors to trigger surveys or enforcement.
• Could a cheeky sign void a fine or a crash claim?Not likely. Unauthorised signs won’t invalidate lawful limits, and they can create liability concerns for the person who put them up.
• How do I report a dangerous spot?Use the Essex Highways online portal, log repeated issues with times and photos, and copy in your parish or ward councillor for traction.