“Cheeky” Essex road signs slammed – locals told to stop now

Essex has a new roadside problem, and it’s not potholes. Across villages and busy A-roads, official signs are being “cheeked up” with DIY messages, stickers and googly eyes, drawing laughs online and a stern glare from the council. Highways bosses say it’s unsafe and illegal, and they’ve told locals to stop now.

The rain was doing that fine, misty Essex thing, beading on a 30mph sign just outside town, when a white van rolled by and the driver clocked the add‑on: a wobbly sticker that read “Slow down, love.” He grinned, a cyclist tutted, and a mum pushing a buggy did that quick double-take we all do when something feels off in the corner of your eye. A minute later, a refuse lorry clipped the kerb, the driver glancing over as a pair of googly eyes wobbled on a Give Way triangle. That tiny joke tugged attention exactly where attention shouldn’t go. Then the council truck rolled in.

Why the ‘cheeky’ signs are everywhere — and why officials are fuming

Talk to people on any Essex high street and they’ll tell you the same thing: drivers speed, roadworks linger, and official messages can feel cold or distant. Give a community a felt-tip and an MDF board and you’ll get “Oi, you’re not Lewis Hamilton,” or “Use your mirrors, mate,” because humour is a local dialect as much as an accent. These tweaks feel neighbourly and cathartic, a wink that says we care about each other, even when traffic is a daily grind.

It started small — one village chalked a smile under a speed camera sign, another taped a polite “Ta!” beneath a zebra crossing plate — and then social media did its busy work. A photo of a “No U-turns, ya muppet” board beside a roundabout pinged from WhatsApp chats to Facebook groups before turning up on TikTok, where out-of-towners chimed in with “Essex never misses.” We’ve all had that moment when a witty line cuts through the noise and you share it without thinking what it does to a driver’s focus at 40mph.

Highways officers aren’t laughing, and their logic is painfully simple: a road sign isn’t a noticeboard, it’s a safety device governed by strict rules. The TSRGD sets the exact shape, size, font and colour for a reason, and altering or obscuring a sign risks confusion that multiplies at speed. At 30mph your car travels roughly 13 metres every second; spend one second reading a gag and you’ve moved the length of a bus without looking at the road. **A road sign is a safety device, not a meme.** The law backs that view, with offences for unauthorised markings under the Highways Act and potential fines if it goes wrong.

What you can do instead: safe, legal ways to get the message across

There are routes that actually work and don’t end in a council letter. Start by logging problem spots through Essex Highways’ reporting portal or via FixMyStreet, then tag your parish council so it’s on the meeting agenda. Push for a speed survey; if the data supports it, you can request a Vehicle Activated Sign or refreshing of worn road markings. Join a Community Speed Watch session with Essex Police, where trained volunteers monitor speeds and send advisory letters. It’s not flashy, but it changes behaviour.

Keep your energy, lose the glue. If you want personality, channel it into school‑gate banners, hi‑vis walking buses, or a street‑by‑street pledge where residents gently wave, not wag fingers. Clean sightlines matter more than clever lines; trim back foliage on your frontage and report obscured signs rather than climbing a stepladder with a spray bottle. Let’s be honest: nobody really does that every day. If you’ve got a killer slogan, pitch it for official matrix boards — the county sometimes tests seasonal messages when they’re clear and compliant.

“We get why people want to be creative,” a highways engineer told me, “but the moment a joke nudges a driver’s eyes off the bend ahead, you’ve traded charm for risk.”

Think small, fast wins and you’ll feel the street change under your feet. **Move a cone and you own the risk.** Keep your hands off official kit and put your hands up for the boring, effective stuff, because that’s what shifts the dial.

• Report issues: Essex Highways portal or FixMyStreet with photos and precise location.
• Join action: Community Speed Watch, parish transport groups, school travel plans.
• Ask smart: surveys, refreshed lines, legal Vehicle Activated Signs, targeted police patrols.

The bigger picture: humour, pride and the thin line on the roadside

This isn’t just about stickers; it’s about who gets to set the tone of a place. Essex wears its wit with pride, and that pride can do wonders when it moves into things like safer school runs, neighbour-led road audits and pop-up crossings backed by the right paperwork. When the line between official and improvised blurs, the street starts talking two languages at once, and drivers don’t know which to heed. Keep the wit in the village hall, on the community page, on a mural with permission from the wall’s owner, and keep the safety language on the posts that guide two tonnes of steel. That’s how you keep character and cut risk. It’s also how you turn a “stop now” telling-off into a chance to do it better next time.

FAQ :

• Are homemade roadside signs legal in the UK?No. Anything that mimics, alters or obscures an official road sign breaches the rules that govern safety signage, and it can be removed without notice.
• What penalties could I face for altering a sign in Essex?Offences can fall under the Highways Act and related regulations, leading to fines and potential liability if a collision is linked to the alteration.
• Can I stick googly eyes or slogans on a speed sign if it’s “just for fun”?That still interferes with a safety device. Even a playful sticker distracts drivers and can be treated as an unlawful obstruction or defacement.
• How do I get a witty road safety message approved officially?Submit proposals through Essex Highways or your parish council for use on variable message signs. Messages must be clear, short and compliant with guidance.
• What if the sign outside my home is dirty or hidden by hedges?Report it with a photo and exact location via the council portal. If the obstruction is on private frontage, trim what you lawfully can and log the rest.