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The 7 Not-So Obvious Reasons Your Boyfriend Is Being Distant

Published by Pascale Day
Published on 29 July 2015

Picture the scene: you’re chatting away to your boyf, getting lost in a labyrinth of irrelevant tangents, chatting with an exuberance only gossiping can evoke. You steal a look at your beau, and his eyes are glassy and distant. He even has the audacity to drift his eyes back to the television. He is most definitely not listening. He’s ignoring you and all your juicy gossip, and it’s just not on.

A playful hit or an “are you listening?!” will normally suffice in these situations but what happens if you’re boyfriend starts ignoring you for real?

Not listening, not replying to your texts, not turning up when he’s supposed to be. It can turn you into a quivering, paranoid wreck, convinced it’s your fault. In reality it’s probably nothing to do with you, but that doesn’t stop the feeling being real.

There’s really only one solution: confrontation. Having a confrontation with anyone is hard, so let us prep you with a few scenarios to consider first about why he might be ignoring you.

1. There’s something on his mind

It’s universally acknowledged by all that men aren’t all that good at talking about their feelings. They are a closed book. An safe full of emotions that’s been locked and the key thrown into the Thames. Which is why, when something is bothering them, they don’t come for you for a cupcake and a shoulder to cry on.

It could be anything: work, friends, family. With such worries preoccupying their mind it may be taking precedence in their lives, meaning that they are neglecting to take care of other important things (AKA, you). If you think there is something on his mind, just ask! It may help to put his mind, as well as yours, at ease.

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2. That's just how he is!

Let’s face it: you knew who he was when you got together. He was stoic from the start. Sometimes you have to make it your mission in life to get him to open up. But beware: remember what happened with with Rachel and Elizabeth’s dad in Friends? It could make him an emotional wreck!

​Or maybe at first he was chivalrous and romantic, whereas now you can barely get an answer out of him about what you should have for dinner tonight.^^^BLOCK7

​Sometimes that honeymoon period wears off and you discover what your boyfriend is like when he is relaxed and being 100% himself. Don’t be offended if he takes a while to text back but if you feel like he’s avoiding you for days, call him out on it. If you feel like he’s making a poor effort with you, you need to tell him.

© We Heart It

3. He's just busy

Perhaps your boyfriend is just a very busy man! He’s got things to do, people to see. He’s a very handsome social butterfly. It’s a fact that is easily overlooked - some people are just busy.

Everyone has hectic periods, and maybe he’s going through one right now. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less, but if you feel like it’s really getting in the way of your relationship, then let him know.

4. He likes his space

Some men are lone wolves, whereas you may be someone who likes to be around people 24/7. Both of these are fine, but he may just enjoy having a bit more quality alone time than you do. It doesn’t mean that he likes you any less, you are just different in way that you like to spend your time. Anyway you know the old saying: absence makes the heart grow fonder! So perhaps leaving him to his alone time will do wonders for your relationship.

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5. You may have said something that's upset him

Now, don’t immediately jump to this as your first conclusion but he might be distant because you’ve upset him somehow. We all say things that can be misconstrued, or could be taken in offence, without even noticing. Sometimes people like to sulk it out rather than have a full blown confrontation about it.

Ask him what’s wrong and, if he refuses to tell you, it may well be that you’ve upset him. If this is the case, try and talk it through in a calm and rational way, and ensure that you make an agreement that if you’re upset, you talk to each other. Then you can move forward a stronger and happier couple.

6. There's someone else

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes it’s not you - it’s someone else. No one likes to think their partner is cheating on them, or even thinking about other women, but it happens. It’s unlikely, but it does happen.

​Don’t jump to this conclusion first though, as it could be damaging. If you feel strongly enough about this, confront him, but make sure you are sure about your feelings. Accusing someone of cheating is a huge deal, and could be enough to break a relationship on its own.

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7. The relationship is over

Obviously don’t fear the worst, but it may be time to call time on your relationship, whether you want to or not. If this is the case, you have to hope that your boyfriend will be mature enough to give you the dignified ending to the relationship that you deserve. But if he’s not, and he thinks the best way to shake you off is to give you the silent treatment, then kick him to the curb first girlfriend!

It’s important to remember that, if you feel like you are being ignored by your boyfriend, you speak to him before you jump to any conclusions. Never immediately think it’s your fault, because it probably isn’t. Don’t let him make you feel like you’re not good enough for his attention, and if you already feel this way, let him know. The best case scenario is that he doesn’t know how he’s making you feel, and you can both come away from the conversation having a better understanding of each other.

If, however, the silent treatment leads to something worse than “he just forgot to text back,” make sure the relationship then heads in the direction you want. Ensure he give you the end to the relationship that you deserve, because you are worth more than the silent treatment.

Have you experienced the silent treatment? Let us know how you dealt with it: @sofeminineUK

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