“Cheeky” Essex road signs slammed – locals told to stop now

Cheeky, handmade road signs are popping up on Essex verges and village gateways — funny one minute, fierce talking point the next. Highways bosses say the DIY messages must stop, locals think they’re just trying to keep people safe, and tempers are starting to fray at the edges.

The other morning on a B-road outside a quiet Essex village, a cardboard sign winked from a hedge. “Oi, slow down, love,” it read in thick black marker, the kind of voice you’d recognise from the queue at the bakery. A white van clipped by, the driver smirked, and a mum with a pram gave a small, grateful nod. It was daft, a little tender, and totally out of place among the official red triangles and solemn limits. A few hours later, two high-vis jackets paused by the hedge with a cordless saw and a roll of tape. *It looked funny until it didn’t.* By lunchtime, the joke had vanished.

The joke that became a flashpoint

Across Essex, from coast roads to commuter lanes, residents have been sneaking out with cable ties and laminated A4 sheets. Some push back at speeding, others poke fun at potholes or lorries that thunder past cottage windows. **Unauthorised signs on the highway are illegal under national regulations.** Yet the instinct makes sense: people are scared, bored of waiting, and tired of watching mirrors scatter when a driver misjudges a bend. What started as a cheeky nudge has become a boundary line — who gets to speak on the roadside, and who decides what belongs there.

Scroll the village Facebook groups and you’ll see it: a glow-in-the-dark “Mind the crater” nailed to a rotten post, a playpen of toy cones guarding a wheel-biting hole, or “Welcome to Pothole Park — mind your rims” draped across a 30 sign. A couple of these gags travel fast, tagged and shared, the comments split between belly laughs and “this is dangerous, mate”. In more than one case, locals say the sign was gone within hours, replaced by a tidy blankness and a notice about reporting issues properly. The road, as always, carried on like nothing happened.

There’s a reason the stern tone lands. TSRGD — those dense national rules — exist because drivers read roadspace in milliseconds. The wrong colour, a wobbly font, a joke where the brain expects certainty, and reaction time is shaved. Add liabilities, and it becomes thornier still: if an unofficial sign distracts a motorist who then clips a cyclist, who carries the blame? **Well-meant humour doesn’t override driver safety.** Essex’s roads, busy and narrow in places, leave little margin for improvisation when everyone’s attention is already thin.

What actually works without landing you in trouble

There are better ways to channel that energy than a midnight cable tie. Start with a formal report through Essex Highways or your district’s FixMyStreet-style portal, then log the same concern with your parish council and local councillor. It stacks pressure. Ask for a speed survey; ask again. **There are faster ways to get a speed survey than you think.** If speeding is the gripe, volunteer for Community Speed Watch through Essex Police — fluorescent vests slow cars more reliably than a witty sign. On your own land, wheelie-bin stickers or tasteful banners are fair game, as long as they don’t mimic official markings or face the carriageway like a command.

Common mistakes are easy to fix. People place homemade signs at junctions, on roundabout aprons, or close to zebra crossings — the exact spots where drivers need a clean, quiet line of sight. Others lean towards bright reflective vinyl, which draws the eye away from a hazard that’s actually three metres further on. We’ve all had that moment where the heart says “do it now,” yet the brain is still catching up. Let’s be honest: nobody really does that every day. Pick your battle, place your effort, and keep it boringly legal.

“Well-meaning but unauthorised signs can confuse drivers and increase risk. Report issues through official channels — we act on evidence,” said one highways officer in guidance shared with residents.

Try this instead — a simple, no-drama playbook that gets results:

• Report, then chase with your parish clerk and ward councillor within seven days.
• Request a formal speed survey or temporary Speed Indicator Device through Essex Highways.
• Join or start a Community Speed Watch session on targeted days.
• Use wheelie-bin reminders on private property, facing your drive, not the road.
• Collect short, timestamped phone videos from the pavement to build an evidence pack.

Where Essex goes from here

Strip back the snark and there’s a simple plea: hear us faster. People don’t reach for marker pens because they love rule-breaking; they do it because the risk outside their window feels immediate, while official timelines feel slow. Maybe the compromise is less theatre, more transparency. Publish live queues for pothole crews. Let residents track speed survey slots like parcel deliveries. Offer one weekend a month where parishes co-host Speed Watch pop-ups with a friendly police lead, tea, and a table of reflectors for kids’ bikes. The cheeky signs were a spark, not a solution. The real story is about whose voice carries at 30mph — and how to make sure it’s the one that keeps everyone alive.

FAQ :

• Are cheeky road signs actually illegal?Yes. Anything that looks like a traffic sign on the highway must comply with national regulations, and homemade signs don’t.
• Can I put a “slow down” banner on my fence?On private land, yes, as long as it doesn’t mimic an official sign or jut into highway land, and isn’t positioned to distract drivers.
• What gets a pothole fixed faster in Essex?Log it with the county portal, add photos, and share the reference with your parish council and councillor to escalate early.
• Do Community Speed Watch teams make any difference?They do. Visibility alone reduces average speeds during sessions, and repeat data helps trigger enforcement or engineering changes.
• Will I get fined for putting up a sign?You could face removal costs or enforcement action if it’s on the highway. Safer to use official routes and keep materials off public land.