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10 New Year Resolutions We Know We Are Inevitably Going To Fail

by Emmy Griffiths Published on 6 January 2015

A New Year means a new beginning. It's time for you to reinvent yourself, to be better in 2015 than your 2014 self. Your 2014 self was lazy, greedy and boring. Your 2015 self is going to be interesting, fit and...ah screw it. Here's how NOTHING is going to change for us in the New Year...

Exercise More

You sign up to the gym first thing in January, buy some shiny new Nikes in their sale and you are READY to get to your goal weight. But ugh, it’s been such a long day and it’s so dark and cold and the gym is TEN MINUTES AWAY for crying out loud. Soon you’ll be back on Netflix eating leftover chocolate coins, as nature intended.

Partake in Dry January

Oh but…peer pressure…SO MUCH PEER PRESSURE AND THAT GLASS OF WINE LOOKS SO REFRESHING JUST ONE SIP. And just like that, the dry January vow is broken. Try again next year.

Saving up

January sales > saving up. ‘Nuff said.

Start a new hobby

Is there anything more awkward than putting yourself out there and trying to do something crazy? The brave will thrive in their new cross stitching/trampolining/Spanish class whilst the rest of us will just research these things and never actually take the steps to do them. Sob.

Travel more

Why is it once you’ve decided you’re going to go somewhere incredible and have an amazing time you almost always end up in Cornwall? But-but we wanted Thailand beaches…

Don’t get too stressed out

BUT SO MUCH WORK AND BILLS TO PAY AND NEED TO REGISTER TO VOTE AND WHAT’S THAT THING I CAN’T QUITE REMEMBER TO DO?

Increase your knowledge

What are books compared to watching The Hunger Games for the twelfth time? As Mr Wormwood of Matilda once said: “There’s nothing you can get from a book that you can’t get from a television faster.” We’re terrible people.

Spend more time with friends and family

We love them, but this resolution means you actually need to be a functioning member of society and not, you know, a Netflix-addicted anti-social mess who pretends to be asleep when your phones rings.

Running a marathon

The idea and the action are two very different things. One is easy to say, the other is hard/impossible to do.

Detox your bod

Just one day of a juice fast is enough for ANYONE who doesn’t know what they’re doing to ditch the healthy super foods and get right back onto the Wotsits.

Have you broken any of your New Years Resolutions yet? Tweet us @sofeminineUK!

This article was written by Emmy Griffiths. Follow her @emmyfg!

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