How to make a long distant relationship work
Long Distance Relationship Rule #1: Set your terms
Both of you have to agree to the terms of your long distance relationship
and know what you want from it if your romance is going to survive the distance.
It depends how long you've been together: if you've been together for 1 month or 5 years, your expectations and the way you handle the separation will be different.
Together you need to establish:
- Are you exclusive or can you date?
- How long is the seperation going to last?
- How often will you visit each other?
- How often will you talk on the phone / internet / email / messenger?
This way, you'll know exactly what to expect and you won't be disappointed if things don't work out.
Long Distance Relationship Rule #2: Make the most of the time you have together
Don't put pressure on yourself by building up expectations when you're going to see each other. Real life isn't like the movies.
If you fantasise about those long-awaited moments too much, you could end up disappointed.
Enjoy your time together to the max, without getting upset when he doesn't meet you off the train with a huge bunch of flowers.
Weekends and holidays go very quickly, so try and put your worries to one side. Whatever the circumstances, wherever you are, the important thing is that you're together.
Make the most of your time together by:
- Meeting each other at the airport / train station
- Or... stay at home and prepare them a welcome home meal with a glass of wine when they come through the door
- Linger in bed as long as you want
- Leave partys at their peak for an early night in
- Do one thing each time that neither has done before - discovering something together is a brilliant way to bond
Long Distance Relationship Rule #3: Make friends
Even if you're impatient to see your loved one, your life shouldn't just revolve around the times when you're together.
If you don’t want your long distance relationship
to become a nightmare or a source of sadness, it’s essential that each of you have your own lives as well, not just to give you balance but so that you live your life to the full when he's not there.
Your interests, friends and family will allow you to fill the time before you see him again and the absence will feel less noticeable.
Also, spending your life on the phone or checking your inbox doesn't make time go any quicker, so remember to live your life to the full and don't hold back.
Make friends and family a priority.
If you're the one moving away - make sure you make new friends. Colleagues are a good place to start but you can also try websites such as Meet Up
which helps like-minded locals get together in groups.
Tell your partner about all your new friends so they don't feel threatened.
Long Distance Relationship Rule #4: Make plans
When you're trying to find out how to make a long distance relationship work, nothing helps more than planning things togethe. From plans for your future together to short-term plans to see each other, it all helps keep long distance love
Try making plans for:
- romantic weekends
- holidays with friends
- family get-togethers
- your next visit
- birthday parties
These little commitments will help keep the bond between you strong, while the thought of building a future together will help you cope with being apart.
Long Distance Relationship Rule #5: Keep in touch
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but without regular contact absence makes the heart grow cold. It's an important factor when working out how to make a long distance relationship work.
Fortunately it's easier to stay in touch than ever before. Social networking and email are a little impersonal so make sure you get some face time.
- free internet phone calls that allow you to use your webcam for a web chat. MSN also have a version. You can also use Skype without a webcam and it could drastically cut long distance phone call costs!
Write real letters too. There's nothing quite as romantic as receiving a hand written letter in the post.
Long Distance Relationship Rule #6: Don't neglect your sex life
Probably the most frustrating thing about long distance relationships is the stunted sex life. Of course it means when you are together you can have lots of fun making up for lost time but while your apart it can get you down.
Try phone sex, describing what you'd like to do to each other or while touching yourself describe what you're doing to yourself to really give him a thrill.
Take it a step further and have sex on screen. Call your partner from Skype or MSN and use your webcam to show him what he's missing.
If your uncomfortable with this sort of thing, take baby steps. Give him a quick flash and ask him to do the same.
Just make sure you 100% trust your partner because you don't want to end up on Youtube or worse, Youporn!
Long Distance Relationship Rule #7: Don't neglect your own needs
He's not the only one with unfulfilled needs in a long distance relationship!
Get yourself a personal pleasure device. A sex toy won't replace your partner but it can help you get some satisfaction while their away.
You can have just as much fun using sex toys together as you can alone.
Long Distance Relationship Rule #8: It can't be forever
Making long distance relationships work is entirely possibly but there needs to be light at the end of the tunnel.
Agree a date when you'll be together again permenantly. Even if your plans change you should always have a date in mind when you can live together again.
Think about whether you'd be willing to relocate if he's the one away or what he could do if he joined you? Exploring all your options will help keep you both on the same page and manage your expectations of the relationship in the future.