• Relationship Advice 
 

Love or friendship?

Love or friendship?
Now many films, books and songs have tried to define the fine line that separates friendship from love between a man and a woman. How do you tell if it's love or just close friendship?
Clarify how you feel about him by replying yes or no to the following and counting your answers:
It’s love if:
- you feel physical desire for the other person
- you start thinking about your future with the other person
- you feel that you want to move up a step from friendship
- you are jealous of women he dates or is attracted to
- you ask about what he’s been doing with his time
- you systematically criticise all the girls within a 3-mile radius!
- you make an extra effort with your appearance and makeup when you meet him
- you find excuses to call him, see him and get close to him
- you flirt with him all the time
- you lie when a friend asks if he’s single
It’s friendship if:
- you’re repulsed by the thought of lying naked in bed with him
- you sign up to speed dating together!
- you imagine him as godfather to your kids
- you give objective opinions about his conquests
- you don’t get hysterical when he doesn’t reply to your texts straight away
- you ask his advice about a guy you want to date
- you let him in even when you've got a bedhead, a face mask and PJs on
- you want him to meet a nice girl and introduce him to your single friends
- you forgive lateness, forgetting your birthday and black shoes with white socks!
What to do
If you both want friendship, no problem: enjoy! Or do you get the feeling that one of you wants more?
Think about the consequences of dating a close friend before you take the plunge:
- One of you might not feel the same way and the other can end up hurt. You're putting your friendship on the line.
- If the feeling is reciprocal, it can be the start of a great romance, but it could also end up in tears and you'll lose a lover and a friend at the same time. Make sure it’s not just a passing fancy.
Make things clear
If you’re sure about your friendship and if you don’t want to cause any misunderstanding, make sure you know where you both stand. Watch out in dodgy situations such as cosy nights in, massages and the kind of flirtation you enjoy with friends to reassure yourself of your sex appeal!
Tell him!
If you feel that your friendship is starting to change and if you want more, let him know! Tell him how you feel and ask him also to be honest, bearing in mind the consequences. If, however, you feel that your friend is carrying a torch for you, don’t lead him on and make him understand that you see him as a friend and nothing more.
Put a bit of distance between you if you need to
If you don't feel the same way, protect yourselves. Call each other less, confide in each other less, don't see each other as often and try to meet other people. It could just be a passing attraction because you've both been single for a while. These simple measures help put things back in perspective and return to being mates again. Don't ruin a good friendship!
Published by Sarah Horrocks
4 Nov 2009

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