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13 Things All Peanut Butter Fans Know To Be True

Pascale Day
by Pascale Day Published on 20 January 2016

For peanut butter fans, life is simple. We're PB lovers and like our favourite food we stick together. We make ALL friendships based on PB texture preferences (...don't we?) and we have enough of the stuff in our cupboards to last another ice age.

1. It's SO HARD to talk when you're eating it

I mean, you want to participate in the conversation happening, but you know once you try and open your mouth everyone will be so grossed out by the half-masticated peanut butter stuck to your teeth, lips, tongue and gums that you'll be friendless before you can even say "Reece's Pieces".

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2. You could spend hours debating the pros and cons of crunchy peanut butter

Pros: It's delicious.
Cons: NOTHIIIIIIING

3. Your friendships are hinged on whether they like smooth or crunchy

If they say crunchy, then you've got a friend for life. If they say smooth, then kick 'em to the curb girlfriend, because they are just plain wrong.

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4. Ants on a log are one of your fondest childhood memories

Smothering celery in delicious peanut butter, dotting a few raisins on the top and calling it 'ants on a log' was basically the only way for your mum to incorporate fruit and vegetables into your diet when you were a youngster. So what's your excuse now...?

5. You use the 'good fats' thing as an excuse to eat a shedload of the stuff

Yeah PB's got hella protein and all the good fats in it, but be honest - that's not the real reason you eat a whole jar of it at 3am after a drunken night out.

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6. It goes with sweet AND savoury

On toast, in cakes, stirred into curries, encased in chocolate. There is nowhere that peanut butter does not belong. It tears down the boundaries between sweet and savoury, meaning that it's entirely possible for you to eat with every damn meal of the day.

7. It gets so stuck in your mouth it's like glue

This is why peanut butter must be eaten alone - because it's physically impossible to hold a conversation when trying to eat it. It's a great and tasty tool if you ever decide to go on a silent protest.

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8. You don't even need to put it on anything

Peanut butter doesn't need another food to accompany it. Any foods that you do put with PB just serves as a vehicle to get the spread into your mouth quicker. But why not cut out the middle man? Just get something good on Netflix, grab a spoon and a jar of the nutty stuff, and you've got yourself a perfect night in right there. Or, forgo the spoon - your fingers are as good a spoon as any.

9. Your favourite part of a plane journey is the unlimited free packets of travel peanuts

Yeah it's not quite peanut butter, but it's the next best thing. Forget the mini bottles of booze, it's all about getting that salty, peanutty goodness into your gob ASAP.

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10. You know the name of the guy who made peanut butter because he is your god

His name is Marcellus Gilmore Edson, and you thank him before you go to bed every night for bestowing such a gift upon the world.

11. You have all the peanut butter cookbooks going

You need to get your PB fix and you'll do anything to get it, so you consult all your trusty peanut butter recipes in order to sneak it into meals, even if no one else likes it.

12. You keep back-up jars, "just in case"

Seriously, your kitchen cupboards look like a war rations cupboard. But you need your fix, so you keep extra jars of PB just in case you're sick or hungover or it's raining and you don't want to venture out when you're all out of PB. (I mean, you would go out if you really NEEDED to - no one's coming between you and your addiction.)

13. Watching Brad Pitt eating peanut butter is your guilty pleasure

Some people have food porn, other people have... well, real porn. But you can die happy now that you've seen a hunky 90's Brad Pitt in his prime licking your favourite kind of butter off a spoon in Meet Joe Black. I mean, you guys just have so much in common it's ridiculous.

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What do you think of peanut butter? Isn't it the best? Tweet us! @sofeminineUK

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