1. What do I have to do tomorrow
"The to-do list never ends. Should I pick up my dry cleaning on the way to get my nails done? Did I respond to my boss' email about the meeting? Should I go to the gym tomorrow after work? No, that I can scratch off the list."
2. Should I check Instagram again?
"I know it's been 7 minutes since I last checked it, but Kim K has probably posted at least three more selfies, let me check just to be sure. Wait. Those girls are out at a group dinner without me? B*tches."
3. I need a big spoon
"It would probably be a lot easier to drift off to sleep if I had a burly man with some big biceps wrapped around me right now. If that man happened to be Channing Tatum, I would not have a problem with that. God I'm so single."
4. I wonder how he's doing...
"I bet my ex is still hanging out with his lame friends trying to pick up ugly chicks. Or maybe he's dating that girl I caught him texting that one time. No, he's probably single and miserable on his couch right now watching Breaking Bad. That's definitely what he's doing."
5. Should I try laying on the other side
"Ugh I've been laying on my right side for thirty minutes and still can't sleep. Should I try rolling over? Or maybe try laying on my stomach? Now that will hurt my boobs. Ugh please let me fall asleep soon."
6. Wedding planning...way in advance
"Well I want my dress to be all vintage lace and I definitely want those cute twinkly lights everywhere like I saw on Pinterest. My ring better be so impressive, I hope the proposal is so amazing and he has one of those hidden professional photographers documenting the whole thing. Now all I need to do is get a boyfriend. God I'm single."
7. Was it a good idea to stay in?
"I was so not in the mood to go out in this cold weather, but what if all my friends are out having a really good time? OMG what if my future husband is at the bar with them right now and I'll never get to meet him because I was a wuss and decided to stay in? No I'm cozy and warm, I made the right call."
8. I'm hungry
"I had dinner like three hours ago and my stomach is grumbling, it's totally fine to snack right? I'm just going to keep these Goldfish by my bed in case I get hungry again later. Sleep please come so I don't gain another five pounds before bed."
9. Odds I wake up for my morning workout?
"I already signed up for that 6am class and I already paid so I should definitely go. Although an extra hour of sleep would be really nice. And I did workout yesterday already so I'll just play it by ear when my alarm goes off. Yeah there's no way I'm going to make it."
10. Please let me have a dream about Christian Grey
"That is all."
11. Am I really burning calories in my sleep?
"I remember that article that said you burn just as many calories sleeping as you do in like an hour on the elliptical. Yeah I'm pretty sure that's what it said. Sleeping is basically going to the gym, going to be so skinny when I wake up."
12. I should probably keep my phone on vibrate...just in case
"That guy did say he was going to text me tonight, and it's only 11 he may still text me. I should just leave it on vibrate in case he remembers to text. He probably is still stuck at work and that's why he hasn't texted. I plugged it in to charge too right? Okay yeah I'm good."
13. Will binge watching Netflix help?
"If I can't fall asleep in the next 10 minutes then I'll let myself watch an episode of House of Cards. Okay, maybe two episodes. If I'm still not tired, three MAX. Okay 9 minutes to go."
14. Already feeling anxious about my alarm
"I am already dreading my alarm at 7:00am...and at 7:02am...and again at 7:04am. Please give me the strength to be able to get out of bed after the third alarm."
15. Is Beyonce asleep right now?
"No way, she is definitely sipping champagne on a boat with Jay Z and Blue Ivy in St. Tropez and probably just thought of her next record breaking single. Maybe she's just looking through her diamond collection thinking about what a badass she is. I should sleep less."