1. Rounding up the gang
Everyone is everywhere but no good soldier leaves a man behind!
2. The cloakroom confusion
There's always that one person who could have SWORN they brought a jacket even though they have no ticket, no one saw her with it all night and she complained how cold she was in the queue on the way in...
3. The cheesy chips crisis
Order your good old cheesy chips for £1.50 and wolf them down as though you haven't eaten in three days. Dancing and drinking is hungry work.
4. The drunken flirtation to be given more food
Despite your eye makeup travelling to your cheeks you still try to flirt with fellow customers who have invested in pizza, or kebab. Mmmm kebab.
5. Trying desperately to get a taxi
Everyone is cold, tired and just wants to be lying on something comfy. But the one thing standing in your way between this cold, dark street in the early hours of the morning and your blissful bed is finding a taxi. As for trying to order one, forty minute wait?! F***. That.
6. The deep and meaningful friendship with the taxi driver
Finding out your taxi driver's name and discussing his evening, life and aspirations is a must. Not that he'll give you a discount!
7. Playing off your vomiting friend in the backseat
"Oh it's fine Dave, she stuck her head out of the window. There is absolutely no vomit in your car. You don't need to fine us £60. Dave. Dave, please."
8. Getting back to your house and immediately lying flat
On the floor, the sofa, your kitchen table, you just need to be horizontal for a little while.
9. Deciding now would be a great time to make chicken nuggets
Everyone's hungry and you will feed them. You're such a great person. Forty minutes later you're throwing away their blackened remains after forgetting to take them out.
10. Vaguely wondering about the status of your friend
One friend is missing, and you have a voicemail from her walking home with a group of new friends. Is she going to make it back alive? Should you be concerned?
11. Drinking water like a champ
"Sober me is going to thank drunk me SO much tomorrow."
12. The photo exchange
A few minutes of silence as you all swap phones and flick through the photos...most of which you sneakily try to delete.
13. Dealing with the wasted ones
The poor girl who had too much should probably be dealt with by putting her on the sofa, throwing a blanket over her and putting a bucket next to her face. Job done.
14. Reading back all of your texts
"Where are you?"
"Where you gooooooo"
"Loo, come here!"
"Can't see you"
"At bar now! Do you want tequila?"
Every damn night.
15. The patronising treatment from your sober friend
That housemate or sibling who didn't come out with you but for some reason is still there to witness the aftermath. "Okay do you want to put your pyjamas on? Shall I get you a glass of water?" I'M NOT A CHILD LEAVE ME ALONE.
16. The full force of your future hangover suddenly hitting you hard
So drunk. So very drunk and ill.
17. The mortification when it dawns on you who you got with that evening
18. The incoherent flinging off of all of your clothes
Come morning time you know how much of a nightmare tracking down your bag, phone, necklace, rings, bra and drivers licence will be, but right now you just do not care.
19. The race to get into pyjamas
From the moment you're through the door, the time of the LBD and spanx it's over. The time of the jammies has just begun.
20. The slight guilt when one friend accuses you of abandoning them
You can't spend your life keeping track your friends, right? Once in a while, a sheep gets parted from the herd. A really annoyed sheep, who is glaring at you and clearly won't let it go until you make her a bacon sandwich.
21. FINALLY passing out
Hello sweet sleep. Hangover, I'll see you tomorrow.