1. Letting the rubbish pile up
It's like they're having a Jenga contest balancing the rubbish on top of your already overflowing bin. Oh the fury.
2. Seeing absolutely nothing wrong with hoarding every plate in the house
As long as all the used, greasy, food-stained plates are in a neat pile on their bedroom floor (better for you to clean up), there shouldn't be a problem, right?
3. Eyeing up the Hollyoaks girls
You can almost see it happen. The moment you switch on the TV and there is an attractive girl on the screen. His slovenly eyes suddenly become alert. He sits up a little. He pretends to care about the storyline. He presses 'record' on the Sky remote. Hmph.
4. Leaving socks on the floor
Why is it that they can just about manage throwing all of their dirty clothes into the laundry bin EXCEPT the odd, old grey sock?
5. Gravitating towards your fit friend
Pretending like they're being friendly but giving your gorgeous friend the eye, buying her drinks and casually making fun of her is NOT being friendly, it is FLIRTING. Back off her!
6. Not replacing whatever they used up
Is there anything more frustrating than reaching for the loo roll to find a cardboard tube? Or making a cup of tea with no milk? Or toast with no butter? You bought them, so it should still be there, right? No, not right. Wrong.
7. Finding young girls attractive
If you are thinking this couldn't possibly apply to your man, we kindly ask you to direct your attention to tiny woman child Ariana Grande.
8. Not spending a second thought on ANYTHING
Whilst you question, obsess over and overanalyse every word that comes out of his mouth, it is a guarantee that he isn't doing the same thing. Frankly, he really doesn't give a damn about subtext.
9. Leaving the washing up
Because hey! If he leaves it on the side long enough one of you will snap and wash it, and that person will always, always be you.
10. Not washing their sheets, ever
Who needs nice clean bedding? This smells of MAN and it is good. Except it's not. It stinks of feet and erm...other unpleasantries.
11. Going out without letting us know
Not even a text letting us know when you'll be back? What if you died? What if someone kidnapped you from the house and we just thought you were being thoughtless so didn't call the police? THINK IT THROUGH.
12. Not giving anything you like a CHANCE
Maybe if you actually watched The Notebook with me it'd leave you inspired and crying like a baby? Instead you refuse to watch anything besides football, Geordie Shore and Die Hard and it HURTS.
13. They don’t have a romantic bone in their body
Why can't you ever do ANYTHING a little nice for me?! Just buy me some flowers just because, not because you're sorry about something! I leave you little treats all the time. All the damn time!
14. Texting you with one word
Three little words: 'ok', 'no' and 'later'. Why can't you just elaborate a LITTLE more in your texts?!
15. Not pandering to our attempts at emotional blackmail
"That's fine, do what you want." "...Kay!"
Is there anything more frustrating than when your efforts to show how upset you are go unnoticed?!
16. Trying to talk to you about football
"Good about Liverpool isn't it?"
I have no idea what you're talking about and couldn't care less.
17. Getting way too comfortable
Happily staying in the same position all day, leaving stuff everywhere and making no secret of your bodily functions is TOO comfortable.
18. Eating nothing but junk food
All we want is your health and happiness and there YOU are treating your body like a dump. Who needs a bag of doritos with dip for dinner, for real? WHO??
19. Having no sympathy for your PMS sadness
You're in pain, but whatever. Get over yourself. If he gets man flu though...
20. Being ignorantly blunt about your appearance
"Do you like my new dress?"
*Five years later*
"Yeah it's alright. Bit flowery isn't it?"
In our heads, it's already being returned. Thanks a lot.