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​Douchebag Guys, Awkward Conversations & Meltdowns: 22 Things We Put Our Dads Through

by Maria Bell Published on 14 June 2014

When you look back through your life, no man will support you quite like your Dad. That doesn’t mean you didn’t give him sh*t though… Whether it was swatting away douchebag guys, being sick in his car at 3am, or dealing with your multiple MELTDOWNS, there’s a lot of things we’ve put our dear old Dad’s through over the years…thank God he’s family.

It all started off so well, but quickly your Dad learnt that there’s way more bullsh*t to come with having a daughter than just changing baby-girl nappies.

​Here’s 22 ridiculous things we put our dad’s through over the years. It’s a miracle he’s still here, love him.

1. Playing dress up

For some reason the bright red lipstick all over his face really made his beard pop.

2. Awkward Questions

From shouting “Dad what does masturbation mean?” to “Why’s does Bob smell so bad?” in front of his friends, we were his own miniature megaphone of horror.

3. The Conversation...

We don’t want to go there but…at one point you had to see your Dad naked. No man ever wants to talk about his dangle with his daughter. *shudder*

4. The Time We Thought We Were Musically Gifted

Violin – no. Saxophone – nope. Drums – f*ck no. Screw it, we tried but we’re almost certainly the soul reason for the fact he’s so effing deaf now.

5. The Ridiculous Games

“OK Daddy, so I'll pretend I'm a princess and you pretend you're my fairy godmother.” For four hours. WTF were we even on.

6. Majorettes. Seriously, Majorettes.

No man should ever have to see his daughter twirl a flaming baton whilst gyrating to Brit pop. Not one.

7. The Dodgy friends

When your ‘cool’ friend Lindsay came over to show off her belly button piercing at TEN YEARS OLD. Just smile and nod Dad, smile and nod.

8. We Hit Puberty, Hard

We didn’t know what was going on. He sure as hell had no idea.

9. The Boyband Era

The headf*ck that comes with seeing your daughter literally lose her shit whenever some talentless twat with a bad haircut comes on screen is hard to imagine. Poor guy.

10. The realisation that your little baby girl now has hormones…

It’s only going to get worse too.

11. The D*ckheads

The path of a 15-year-old girl ‘in love’ is one we’d never, ever like to walk down again. On the upside, that lead singer you thought you’d NEVER LIVE WITHOUT, really is a total freaking loser now though. Well done Dad, you called it. .

12. The Hysterics

The countless times we’d pour out our #teenageproblems only to look up and see our dear old Dad smirking, or asleep… Cut to world war 3. Round 100,000.

13. The Hairstyle Meltdowns

The relationship between a girl, her hair, and the devil that cuts it is tense enough as it is. Throw in a man who has no idea what he’s saying and you’re BOUND to get problems.

14. The Boozed Up Years

From 16-19, we were pretty much a write-off but he still put up with us. Well, just. From holding back our hair when we’re face down in the upstairs toilet or waking him up at 3am gorging on last night’s leftovers… lets just say it wasn’t pretty for anyone.

15. Drunken Dad Taxi

The desperate 4am Dad phone-dash. He always made the best taxi driver – he didn’t even charge when you were sick. #winning.

16. The Dramatics

Repeatedly screeching “OH MY GOD I HATE YOU, YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND!!!” We’re cringing. Hard.

17. The Slutty Phase

It’s hard to picture how he didn’t just burn our entire wardrobe. Or gauge his eyes out. Either way. Well done Dad.

18. Dad, Have I Got Fat?

First from his partner, now from his daughter. There’s no escape big man.

19. The Eventual Heartbreak.

Nothing worse is hearing your daughter bawl over an idiot he never approved of anyway. Did we learn? Pfft

20. Treating Him Like Your Personal Natwest

At one point it happened. We’re not proud of it. Pretty certain he ‘aint either.

21. We got our degrees and flew the nest

HA. He wishes. We’re back, we’re broke and in $20,000 debt – please house and feed us.

22. We FINALLY move out

Now we’re all grown up and we’d like to think we’ve learnt how to be proper, fully functioning adults. Yea…right. He’s always going to be our Daddy.

Any of these sound familiar? Tweet us your stories at @sofeminineUK.

by Maria Bell

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