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10 Crucial Questions That ‘Bitch I’m Madonna’ Needs To Answer

by Emmy Griffiths Published on 19 June 2015

Madonna’s star-studded single’s music video was released yesterday and featured a spirited Madonna leaping around basically having the house party of our dreams. We have to admit that the tune is pretty catchy, but we’re not so sure how we feel about the slightly bizarre video. Here are some questions we have…

Is this appropriate language for small children?

This video is crammed full of half naked policemen (not that we’re complaining), drinking and all that usual craziness. With this in mind, we couldn’t help but find the little party girls miming ‘bitch I’m Madonna’ at the beginning just a LITTLE bit weird.

Why is Rita Ora having so many probs with her braids?

You’d have thought they would have done the take again because Rita is trying to look fierce whilst keeping her hair out of her face and sort of fails miserably. This should be on the blooper reel!

Why is CHRIS ROCK in this?!

We get the singers and rappers and all that jazz, but to just throw in a random comedian? We don’t understand.

How does this guy NOT go mental?

If someone grabs me and forces my drink down my throat, pouring it all over me in the process, you are going to get a punch even if you ARE Madonna.

Why is there dancing in the bathtub?

Girls, you are at a house party! You should have been ready HOURS ago, not doing the robotics in a bathroom wearing nothing but tit tape ffs.

Why are there sock puppets? What kind of party is this?!

If we went to a party for adults and suddenly the lights went out and there was a neon puppet show, we’d be confused. Like, does partying with Madonna always include puppet shows? Is this just a normal thing at celeb parties?

Why is Miley Cyrus giving the camera the finger?

Seriously Miley, what have any of us watching this video done to deserve your wrath?

Why Is It Like Someone Is Scratching Nails On A Chalkboard at 3:30?

The song is pretty catchy, but this bit is actually unbearable. How was this sound made without the studio visibly cringing? It is ROUGH.

Does Madonna start cleaning up after the party at one point?

Yes, that floor in the house you just trashed DOES have a little glitter on the floor, doesn’t it.

Why is Beyonce utterly flawless no matter what?

Even in all this craziness, she appears looking like the ethereal angel she is. Why isn’t this video called Bitch I’m Beyonce?

Check out the tune....

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