These are harsh, but they're damn true.
1. Diets start on Mondays only.
Women are not wired to start mid-week - it's confusing, disruptive and mentally it just doesn't make sense.
2. You're constantly talking to yourself on a second to second basis
The self chat goes something like: 'It's not worth it! Don't do it girl. THINK Jessica Alba.'
3. Green juice really does taste like grASS
Spinach, kale, green apple and lemon. Mmm yummy (not).
4. Hangovers turn us into monsters
Don't even attempt to chow down a bacon buttie while we're sat there eating a fruit cup. The aftermath will not be pretty - just saying.
5. Chias seeds, spirulina and goji berries?
6. It costs a bomb
The cheap Chinese down the street is looking WAY more promising right now.
7. Drunk eating is forgiven
If you can't remember it, it doesn't count!
8. You get angry with your scale 9 out of 10 times
Weighing yourself becomes apart of your morning routine. Reality check: It doesn't happen overnight.
9. Keep your dieting plans on the DL...
...because family, friends, and colleagues will never give you the time of day. Beware: The Office Feeder
10. 'F it up Friday' is the BEST day ever invented
Fridays couldn't come any sooner.
11. After quitting for the third time, sh*t starts to REAL
No one's going to take you seriously if don't pull through next time. Now you really don't have a choice.
12. You'll NEED to learn to love healthy foods
C'mon, going cold turkey is like expecting a lion to become vegetarian. Unrealistic! Baby steps, ladies, baby steps.
13. Those £1 bags of deliciousness in Sainsbury's are going to have to WAIT.
14. Likewise, there's no such thing as just ONE
Just one shortbread biscuit with your tea? That's rude.
15. You'll always be hungry
Filing up on fruit and veg is not the same as eating a Big Mac.
16. People who eat right got skills
It's called SELF DISCIPLINE (and it's damn hard).
17. It will ALWAYS be an uphill battle
Pancakes and bacon will always prevail. You're never going to wake up and have a redefining moment in your life where you decide to live off salad leaves. Never.
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