1. Cough / make unnecessary noises in the toilet
You know, to make the person aware that there's someone else in there, should they want to poop without shame or embarrassment.
2. At the checkout
Handing over your carefully counted change at the checkout and waiting for permission to leave...
Being unable to hand over said change without counting it at least twice and saying, 'I think that's right'.
4. Yawning even though you don't need to yawn
Awkward silence? A yawn will make everyone more comfortable.
5. Leaving a shop empty handed
And either avoiding the security guard or overly smiling in his direction to convince him, and yourself, that you're entirely innocent.
6. Tapping the top of your canned drink ... just because
Because one of these days you're going to forget to tap it and BAM: Diet Coke EVERYWHERE
7. Overtaking someone when you're walking
And then trying your hardest to keep up that godforsaken impossible pace without breaking your shins.
8. Tripping up
It doesn't matter how many times we scuff our feet on a lumpy bit of pavement, we still look back, frown firmly in place, to check what the hell it was that just tried to kill us. Somehow it just makes us look smoother.
9. Being unable to leave without saying 'righhht'
Nothing wrong with an Irish goodbye but somehow a precursory 'righttt' is way less aggressive.
10. When you misheard someone for a second time
It's done, game over - you just have to laugh and nod now.
11. When you pretend you're in a music video
All. the. time. At the gym, in the car. Beyonce goes wherever I go.
12. When a policemen is anywhere near you
You're trying so hard not to look suspicious, that you immediately look suspicious.
13. When you say ow but it didn't even hurt
Well someone's a little attention seeking b*tch.
14. When you're in the car and go through a tunnel
You're weird if you do not hold your breath.
15. Getting in a lift, DEAR GOD NO
Creating awkward situations since 1852.
16. Counting the number of stairs
So, so satisfying.
17. Keeping the volume on an even number
When new people come round your house and you have to explain to them that this is who you are.
18. Still being incapable of saying the alphabet without singing the song
It's a GOOD song OK.
19. Opening a birthday card and try trying to keep cool when you see da money
And then staring at it, pretending to read the lovely words.
20. When you make a noise that sounds suspiciously like a fart
And you have to try and recreate it so everyone's clear that IT WAS NOT A FART.
21. When you call someone's name or ask a question twice and they still don't respond
You just slowly sink down in your seat and act like nothing's happened. But people know.
22. Gearing yourself up to go through those airport body scanners
That special sheepish walk you do, no one needs to see that again.
23. Still dodging that third drain
Ain't nobody got time for bad luck.
24. Checking the fridge over and over again
This time there will be food.
25. Saying 'just seen this'
When you and everyone else knows full well it was seen at least 3 days ago, so stop lying Linda.
26. Knowing you've definitely turned off your straighteners but going back to check
Because the minute you're outside you doubt everything you've done that morning.
27. When someone says 'you know that movie...'
You just say oh yeah yeah and then when they actually ask you stuff about specific scenes you have nothing to contribute because you were weird and lied.
28. Trying to open the fridge just the right amount so you can catch it with the light off
Twenty minutes of your life you'll never get back.
29. When you randomly start doing accents
Default northerner over here.
30. Complimenting people when you don't know what else to say
I mean that blouse, it's just so... so purple.
31. Smiling at dogs like the weirdo you are
Owners? Not so much.
32. Jabbing your finger in someone's mouth when they yawn
Still funny. Until someone does it to you.
33. Asking if anyone wants anything...
And then being both shocked and annoyed when they actually do. Gah, it was supposed to be rhetorical.
What weird stuff do you do? Tweet us @sofeminineUK!
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