There is nothing more frustrating than the completely common and mostly made up rules of the dating world. If I respond to his text right away does that mean he thinks I just want his babies? Do I need to divide the number of men I've slept with by three so he doesn't think I'm a slut? Should I wax every stray single hair on my body before our second date just in case we hook up or is that jinxing it? It's endless, it's exhausting, and most of the time, it's completely unnecessary.
So let's preface our new 'Boys Tell All' feature by saying that women have every right to do whatever the hell they are comfortable with in the dating world and not have to apologise for it.
Do you want to tell your date about how you hid in your ex's closet while he was on boys night out to see if he was cheating? Go ahead with your bad self. But in case you were intrigued as to what males (fairly or unfairly) think about different dating practices, we sucked it up and asked some men on your behalf, cause that's just the type of gals we are.
On this week's installment of 'Boys Tell All', we decided to ask men what they thought about girls who are willing to go all the way to home base on a first date. We feel like men are constantly complaining about women not wanting to be more loose with their bodies, yet have no problem judging a girl who wanted to go to pound-town on one of their first hookups. So here's what men had to say about wanting to have their cake and eat it too.
The forward thinker
"If it's an actual pre-arranged dinner date and the drinking is limited, then yes I'd probably see spending the night as slightly off-putting, but wouldn't say deal-breaker. If you're going to give him the business, wait until the next date or the next time you meet up, its the safe play if it gets serious. That way you don't have to feel like a hussy when your kid asks about your first date with dad."
The captain obvious
"It would mean she likes sex, it's that simple really."
The f*ck buddy
"Would I say you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend material if you f*ck on the first date? No, but I date girls that make me wait more than the first date. I'll f*ck the ones that don't and WILL NOT lead them on."
The amateurs need not apply
"Went on a first date earlier this year with this smoke show med student who was awesome. Gave me a peck when I dropped her at her door. I was INFATUATED with her for weeks after. If you make out after a first date, I think that is fine. If you do the do, I'd def be turned off by the chick. I mean, if she has already landed the real date, she should hold back and keep her playing chips. It just looks like an amateur move to give away your power so quick, and amateur move = low intelligence = not attractive."
The equal opportunist
"If a woman 'puts out' on the first date, then that means that the man has 'put out' too. So any judgment a man makes about a woman because of that should easily be turned around on himself, and therefore it is stupid."
"Would prefer them to put out pre-midnight so I can go back out and enter the real feeding frenzy."
The always wanting what he can't have
"I once banged a girl on a first date but was super into her after because she left that night and didn't return my texts for a couple of days. She gave me a preview of all the fun we could have, but then acted like I couldn't have it again. I knew it was mind games, but I was hooked."
"Of course I like to get laid and don't want a girl that doesn't want the same, BUT what I can say I love the chase. It may be hypocritical, but my dream girl would make me wait a few dates then give it to me good."
The instructions not included
"I honest just wish women walked around with a sign that said what they really wanted: 'Love to bang, but really want a serious relationship even if I seem like I'm totally fine just hooking up.'"
The better safe than sorry
"Speaking from (limited) experience, the answer hinges on what the long term play is. If there isn’t one, the latter’s probably better in some cases. If there’s any sort of future, I think the former is how it works best — bet on the side of caution and believe the standard cliches about guys thinking a girl’s easy. On the other hand, if a girl holds out over 3, 4, 10 dates, she may find herself going out with a guy who’s completely faking his way through it to get to the end goal (if you’ve already gotten to that point, the relationship may open up more easily). Also, depends what that first date was like (a first date set up by your mutual best friends that lasts 4 hours over candlelit dinner with good wine vs. Tinder)."
"I'd say somewhere in between. Totally depends on the situation: how long you knew that person before you hooked up, whether it's a formal date or you met at last call, if you're on holiday, etc. But yeah, if you meet a girl one night out and y'all have sex the first time you hook up, generally not a great sign that relationship's gonna go far. At the same time, if you're on a date and it doesn't end in a kiss (at least!) that's also a bad sign."
The love conquers all
"I like sex, I like girls who like sex, but I LOVE a girl that keeps me guessing even more."
"From my experience, I think it would indicate she's not interested in a serious relationship, but it goes both ways. I've had sex on a first date with a girl I had no intention of pursuing. I've also had sex with a girl on a first date and caught a case of feels, which ultimately turned cold. Long story short, sex does not directly correlate to a [possible] relationship."
The one and only
"I'll ask her out again sure, but I wouldn't consider her as girlfriend material... But then again maybe we go out and hook-up enough times where a connection grows?! ...But in my opinion, I'd rather she NOT put out on the first date because it makes her look less desirable in my eyes because you know you're not the first, second, third, fourth, etc that she's hooked up with on the first night. Guys like to feel special."
The patience is a virtue
"It would suggest to me that she was not interested in a serious relationship."
The mixed messages
"I hate trying to read a woman's mind, so I don't like when they say one thing and do another. If you just want to hook up then let's bone, if you want a serious relationship then why are you boning me then whining about how that's all we do? That's all we've ever done!"
"Call me soft, but I don't want her to just think I'll put out. I'm sure the girl wants to be courted and wooed, what if I want to be seduced too?"
The play it safe
"I typically wait for the second date to put out, I don't want the girl to think I'm easy."
According to the admitted double standard of the brutally honest men we talked to the consensus seems to be: when in doubt, wait it out.
However, at the end of the day, the only person that needs to wake up and be comfortable with the decisions you made is you, so don't be afraid to put yourself out there and hit up as many bases as you want on date number one. I mean let's be honest, we've seen a man seriously struggle with picking their favourite Victoria Secret Angel before, how often do they REALLY know what they want?
What do you think about these boys' opinions? Tweet us your thoughts @sofeminineUK.
This article was written by Dagney Pruner. Follow her on Twitter @dagneyp