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Feeling Guilty? Hiding Your Bags and Impulse Buying? 22 Signs You're A Secret Shopaholic

by Lareese Craig Published on 8 January 2015

The heart palpitations, the fast walk and that feeling that sh*t’s about to go down. All tell-tale signs that you're but one Topshop bag away from a Carrie Bradshaw approved shopping obsession. Absolutely nothing will stand in the way of you and those perfectly folded clothes, not even an empty bank account. Here’s 22 signs you’re a secret shopaholic.

Forget Secret Single Behaviour, what about Secret Shopping Behaviour? Hell - some of it is not even secret at all. When it comes to shopping, we'll hold our hands up - we could do it all day, every day if we could. But then there's the times that we should really do everything in our power to avoid Zara because when we don't... bad things happen. Very bad things.

Here's 22 signs you've probably got OCSD (that's sofeminine speak for Obsessive Compulsive Shopping Disorder) and should definitely stop buying things now...

1. Pay day doesn't last two minutes

Everyone has pay day highlighted, underlined and circled in their diaries every month but as soon as you know that money is sitting in your account you just can't help yourself. Topshop, Zara, ASOS they're all getting a visit ASAP.

2. Shopping is your cardio

It's true what Carrie Bradshaw said, who needs a gym membership when you can go shopping instead? Burpees vs. carrying bags? It's a no brainer.

3. You run into the store

Walking is impossible, it's just too exciting. Anyone seen my inhaler?

4. You shop to heal

Some people eat chocolate when they're (insert emotional state of mind). You however prefer to take your mood out on the nearest mannequin. Shopping makes everything better.

5. You hide the damage

It starts with sneaking in the door, hiding the bags, scrunching up the beautifully pressed items so they don't look brand new and hiding the receipts where they'll never be found.

6. You love the way new smells

There's nothing like the smell of brand new clothes fresh out of their protective plastic bag. No perfume, no deodorant, no bodily smells. It's just a shame it doesn't last longer than five minutes.

7. You don't care about the consequences

You're now at home and trying things on, sniffing your squeaky clean cotton purchases and too busy taking selfies to worry about how you're going to pay for all this.

8. You impulse buy

You promised your parents you would never fail. Going home empty handed after a shopping trip... that's failure right there. It's actually more painful to think we've wasted three hours looking to buy something and come away a sore loser. There's no choice but to buy something (anything) and return it later. Genius.

9. The guilt, oh the guilt

Sure the initial feeling is complete and utter euphoria, it's akin to swimming with dolphins, but let's get real here. That euphoric moment is soon shattered by the 'OMG did I really just spend two week's wages' thought process. We hate you, inner voice of reason.

10. You always talk yourself round

You'll go in the shop with a budget. A fake budget. You'll then blow that budget because it wasn't a real budget anyway. You'll then wander round with your phone calculator and your bank balances up on screen moving money around. You don't care what it takes, you will figure out a way to buy both pairs of shoes. Even if they do call security on you that the shop's closing.

11. You've got serious FOMO

Someone's has only got to mention they've been shopping and you'll start getting twitchy. Even worse? When someone says H&M's really good at the moment, you're going to flip out. Must. Shop. Now.

12. You approach the sales like a bat out of hell

It's this sort of behaviour that'll get you on shop watch.

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13. You'll do anything to get that dress

Rational thinking and shopping, they just don't go together. The sooner other people get over that the better. The dress that’s now out of stock in Topshop, you’ve only gone and found it on Ebay for thrice the price and yet it still seems like a bargain. WTF is that about? Let's just call it fashion destiny.

14. You love to shop online

It's convenient, it's quick, there's no queue to try things on but that's not why we love it. Oh no. We love online shopping for the sweet little delivery man that delivers presents right to our door. Good day sir.

15. You shop alone

Taking a plus one is out of the question. They’ll only talk you out of your unnecessary purchases. Supervision is just not part of the plan.

16. You can't stand seeing other people happy

Nothing pains you more than a happy woman with an armful of shopping bags. And if they're from your favourite store... it hurts. It physically hurts.

17. You don’t get attached

The only down fall to buying new clothes? Just like coffee the buzz doesn't stick around. Before you know it you're bored, have nothing to wear and have no option but to go back and do it all again. How are we supposed to break this cycle? EVER?

18. You get the rush

Coffee? Sugar? Pfft, there's really no comparison with the high we get from a successful shop.

19. Nobody ‘needs’ to shop

Anyone that asks you if you really ‘need’ to buy that gorgeous cashmere sweater… God. Help. Them. Do they even know you at all?

20. You never return items

It comes back to those impulse buys again. You have every intention of returning it but queuing up to take things back just doesn't feel as good.

21. You start to bounce

If you have an entrance walk/run, it's only right to have an exit walk. Well, it's more like a bounce really. Sometimes you might even smile to yourself. But it's not creepy. At all. Because you've just been shopping and you're feeing GOOD.

22. Shopping is your therapist

So what if you spend £300.00 a month on clothes? It's cheaper than a counsellor right? And much better for your image.

Are you a secret shopaholic? Tweet us @sofeminineUK

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