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23 Thoughts Every Girl Has When Wearing Birkenstocks

by Lareese Craig Published on 6 September 2014

Unless you’ve been living under a rock this summer you’d have noticed that the once heavily-mocked Birkenstocks are back in a major way. From street stylers to bloggers and serial Instagrammers, the ugly shoe is the only sandal we wanna be seen in right now. We just have to accept that walking elegantly, quietly and easily just isn’t gonna happen. Here’s 23 thoughts every girl has when wearing Birkies.

1. OMG my legs, it’s like somebody tied weights to my kankles.

2. My calf muscles just aren’t aren’t cut out for this sh*t.

3. FML if I trip up the stairs what hope have I got coming down?

4. Walking down an escalator quietly? Not going to happen.

5. Oh great, the pregnant feet conversation again. Should have prepared myself for that one #howoriginal

6. Is it me, or do my feet look like they’re wearing Monster Munch in a balaclava?

7. Seriously, I can’t feel anything below my hips.

8. Cork is squelching, cork is squelching, cork is SQUELCHING.

9. My Tinder date will never understand my choice of footwear, these things REPEL men.

10. But they look so fashion chic in photos...

11. They’re so much more than just a flip flop.

12. I thought they were supposed to be comfy, turns out cork rubs like a b*tch.

13. I feel short, like a lot shorter. In a suspicious, stumpy teapot kinda way.

14. My god how do people walk elegantly in these things, all I’m hearing is flip, flop, shuffle, scuff.

15. Calf length skirt and Birks... bye bye legs.

16. Are people staring, I feel like people are staring?

17. People ARE staring and judging.

18. LOVE stubbing my toe.

19. There’s no way you can wear these if you have a long second toe. I mean it hangs over and tries to grip the cork. Like a claw.

20. Ugly effing shoes. Why did I buy these?

21. Maybe I’ll buy another pair, I want them in tan.

22. Nobody has feet this wide.

23. NOBODY!

They might be ugly, they might weigh down our pins, they might dictate a life of singledom, but at least we’ll be fashionable in the process.

23 Thoughts Every Girl Has When Wearing Birkenstocks © Birkenstocks

This article was written by Lareese Craig. Follow her @LareeseCraig

What goes through your mind when you’re wearing Birkies? Tweet us @sofeminineUK

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