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Can We Stop Using Weird Objects To Put On Our Makeup Now Please?

by Pascale Day ,
Can We Stop Using Weird Objects To Put On Our Makeup Now Please?

I can get on board with almost anything social media has to throw at me. Memes, sure. Hashtags, fine. But nothing makes me want to curl up into a ball on the floor and beg for the days of yore more than a pointless beauty trend. So when I saw that beauty bloggers had started to apply their makeup with boiled eggs in lieu of a beauty blender, I had to put my head between my knees and count to ten. Please, b-bloggers, I beg of you: stop using bizaare household objects to paint your face.

Hello and welcome. This is an intervention. Beauty bloggers: we love and respect you, but yesterday I woke up to the news that people have started using boiled eggs to put on foundation and it is just an improvised beauty blender too far.

Listen, anything is a beauty blender if you can plop a dollop of foundation on it and rub it across your face. But does that mean I use a sandwich to put my makeup on? Does that mean I do a full face of slap using nothing but an old boot? Does that mean I dip the Shroud of Turin in a pot of glitter and apply liberally to my cheekbones? No, it does not. Because that is pointless.


I get it, I get it. It's silly and funny and I'm being a total curmudgeon for not laughing along. The thing is, at first it was cute, and now it just seems a little... desperate. A bid for likes. We get that you can use a boiled egg as a beauty blender, just as we found out you can use a condom, a chicken fillet bra insert and tampons. But what is the purpose? What is the video telling us? Because all I've learnt is that people are wasting perfectly good food.

Forgive me for proposing such archaic methods, but: when are we ever going to need to go to such extreme lengths to apply our makeup when we have nature's original beauty blender - our fingers? What's so wrong with using your fingertips? What's so bad about your own hands that you cannot bear to touch your own face with them? Why are you so repulsed by them that you'd rather rub a boiled egg all over your face, something that came out of a chicken and is most commonly eaten by children for breakfast on Saturday mornings, than rub some foundation in with your own, suspicious fingertips? See, now I'm suspicous. What's up with your hands, man?

Blogger houseofsienna was one of the people pioneering this weird tehcnique, and she says in the caption of her Insta video that her daughter told her "oh Mummy you are crazy", and I concur. This is crazy. This is not a beauty hack. This is straight-up madness. It's a craze for craze's sake.

It's a jump on a bandwagon that leads to nowhere. It is not helpful, because I can guarantee that if someone finds themselves a beauty blender short when getting ready for work at 7am, that they are not going to sacrifice precious morning minutes go boil up an egg, peel it, blow on it until it's cool enough, and then smother it in MAC concealer. Plus, a boiled egg does not have the same properties as a beauty blender. For starters, they are food. Also, they can break really easily, they smell weird, and perhaps worst of all, you can't even eat it afterwards - it's covered in stupid cosmetic chemicals.

It's the same with people using "beauty hacks" to draw on their eyeliner. Ok, use a piece of string to apply your eyeliner. Fine. Eyeliner is tricky at the best of times, so if some string from deep down in the drawer of useless crap in your kitchen - other items include a couple of half-melted birthday candles and a panoply of click pens from various business events - helps you achieve a marginally better cat eye, then fair enough. I'll allow it. But if you're using your credit card to get that flick perfect then I simply cannot condone it. How many times have you dropped that card on the floor in a nightclub when you've been drunk? It's like you want conjunctivitis.

Tampon or beauty blender YOU DECIDE 😂 lol I think we know what we like more. Laugh at this!

A post shared by Ashley Blue DeFrancesco (@ashleybluedef) on Feb 25, 2017 at 10:19am PST

Beauty blogger/Instagrammer/Youtuber/hacker(?!) Ashley Blue DeFrancesco recently uploaded a video where she used a tampon to apply her foundation. An actual tampon that is made for your bleeding vagina. In the end, what's more cost effective: a £20 beauty blender, or a new tampon every day? I mean come on Ashley, we're fighting hard to stop tampons from being a luxury item, over here. Plus, tampons are absorbent, so it basically has the opposite effect of a beauty blender.

Now, I don't want to fall down a rabbit hole of explaining everything that's wrong with internet, so I will just say this: I completely understand the want for more views and followers by building on the quirk of the video that came before yours, it's a validation we crave these days. But where will these videos stop? They're so absurd, and pointless. They serve no purpose other than to become social media fodder. And so, my friends, if we could just stick to helpful beauty tips I'd really appreciate it.

Are you a fan or foe of these weird beauty videos? Let us know! @sofeminineUK

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Pascale Day
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