I have a love/hate relationship with Zara. Mostly love, but then there are those times when trying to shop while listening to Enrique Iglesias on repeat together with that constant beeping from the god damn security alarm makes me question my obsession with Spanish separates in a big way.
I give you 23 things that go down when shopping in Zara.
1. DUST dust everywhere
Piles and piles of the stuff just jamming in the corner of the changing room. And now it's in your toes. Great.
2. Only 6 items in the changing rooms betch
You've seen me standing underneath this heap of clothes, sweating like a pig for half an hour and NOW you tell me I'm only allowed six items in there. Is there any justice in the fashion world?
3. When there's a sale on
You try 20 items on but it's too bad because you can still only take 6 in at a time. But can't you hold some items for me? Nope, but if you hurry it might still be on the rail when you come back out. Oh really, so now I've gotta take on The Cube in order to get my items. This isn't Jungle Run chica!
4. You form an allegiance with fellow queue people
You get supportive nods and frowns from the people behind you: *This is absurd, don't they want us to spend money in their shop* Yes, because it's their shop. They care.
5. The knitwear knows you're a weak person
It's like honey to the bee.
6. It's the only time you consider £42 for a top reasonable
It's an investment piece ok, I'll wear it ALL the time.
7. All those plans you had for the day, yeah they don't happen
By the time you've worked your way round the store (twice admittedly), smelt every single perfume, queued for eternity to visit the dust mites, waited for the shop assistant to go to Narnia to look for that other shoe you want to buy... it's weekend over.
8. The security bleep goes off. Again.
IT WASN'T ME. I'm only going red because it's loud and everyone is looking.
9. You fight with the huge cardboard labels
Those things will stab you in the back if they have to.
10. Good luck returning anything
Seriously. It's like the Spanish inquisition. She needs to get her manager, who then needs to get her manager, and her manager wants to see bank statements, receipts and proof that you're not a robot. Jees they're not this picky in Topshop.
11. When you see someone walking around with the EXACT thing that you came here to find
THERE BETTER BE MORE.
12. You remember that the handbags and shoes aren't always at eye level
They like to put them out of reach. You've gotta work out for your accessories you know.
13. The kids section is so CHIC
Little tiny Zara clad kiddywinks. Nawww!
14. You see something white
But it's covered in makeup. Do you a) buy it anyway b) put it back disapprovingly c) hand it to the ever helpful staff like a responsible shopper or D) buy it, wash it, wear it, wash again, return it. D right?!
15. You know the entire playlist
Kelly Rowland, Enrique, sometimes a little love ballad meets R&B. That's the Zara genre.
16. When an old song comes on
And you're in the changing rooms silent dancing. Unsettling all the dust.
17. You buy something floral
Enough hibiscus prints for everyone.
18. You survey the mirror
The folder of changing room selfies suggest that it's as we suspected... fattening mirrors!
19. You go in the TRF section
Something weird goes on here. It's cheaper, younger and verging on tacky at times but apparently this translates as buy it now. Oh well we can always wear it on Sundays.
20. Oh the statement necklaces
No one's got necklace game like Zara got necklace game.
21. The perfume counter gets you every time
But it's only £10 and this weeny one can go in my handbag.
22. They love to staple your receipts together don't they
That's why there's no room in my purse. Ever.
23. They do not like customers without receipts
Pedro will be onto you!
How does your Zara shopping trip go down? Tweet us @sofeminineUK
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