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You Can Now Buy Anti-wrinkle Tape For Your Neck

Pascale Day
by Pascale Day Published on 2 March 2017
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Hello, this is the future calling! And boy do we have something that's going to make you explode with joy. See, we've had tape for your tits and tape for your face but how about this: tape for your neck.

Picture the scene: it's the year 2067. We're all wearing tin foil hats and riding around in stylish hovercrafts. Ryan Gosling is old. And if we're not already living in space already, then you might find your 60-year-old self struggling with the effect that gravity is having on your body. Namely, your skin. Hey - it happens to us all at some point, and there ain't nothing to be ashamed of, gurl.

But just in case you don't fancy trying old age just yet, beauty brand Nexsey have come up with something great and not at all crazy: neck wrinkle tape. If you want to hide the fact that you're getting old, if you want to disguise the natural ageing process that everyone goes through, then this tape is a quick fix to stop your neck looking as old as you actually are.

Here's how you do it: you tie your hair up. Then you cut a piece of tape from the roll and stick it to one side of your neck. And here's the fun bit - you gather up your neck skin and pull it to the back. Then you secure the tape over the fold of skin. Et voila! You're a sixty-year-old with the neck of a thirty-year-old.

Look how natural it looks! Totally natural!!!!

I mean, tape really does solve everything doesn't it? Broken glasses - little bitta tape. Making a Blue Peter model? Double-sided tape. Moving house = get f*cking reams of brown tape and cover everything you own with it. And now, to stop your neck looking like a ham sandwich that's been dropped on the floor, you can get yourself some neck tape. What's next? I mean that genuinely - because I really hope it's Neckbands: hairbands for your neck. So that, in the future, when you're trying to write letters to send to your only remaining earth friends, desperately clinging to pre-millennial traditions, your dangly throat skin won't drag through the ink of your antique Parker fountain pen before it's set properly. Because if there's anything worse than a smudged note that can't be posted because no one has used a pen and paper in six decades, it's having the words 'remember the iPhone 6? LOL!' temporarily tattooed on your low-hanging neck hammock.

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I am, of course, joking - and there is, of course, nothing wrong with growing old gracefully. ​Nor is there any shame in having some work done if it makes you feel better and more confident in yourself. You do you. Nexsey claims that 'sixty is the new sexy'. If this hot mess is what Nexsey constitutes as hot; if this medical tape, whose sole purpose is to hold the folds of your skin at the back of your neck, is what gets the juices flowing, then I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. We'll stick with saggy skin and laughter lines, thank you very much.

Would you ever try the Nexsey neck wrinkle tape? Let us know! @sofeminineUK

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